Love Keeps No Records of Wrongs

As parents, it is natural to always remember what our children repeatedly do wrong. How many times do we have to tell them to not talk with their mouth full, or to say please and thank you when they want something or someone does something kind for them. Lately, Ben is all about calling me things other than Mom such as “Duck,” “Booty,” or the dreaded, “Yes Master.”

It is so difficult not to keep a record of their wrongs when they constantly repeat them. Giving consequences and following through with them helps, but only in the short run. God himself discovered this with the Israelites. The book of Leviticus in the Old Testament was written by Moses during the Exodus from Egypt to the land promised by God to Abraham’s descendants. It is a book of laws by which God expected them to live their lives. In Leviticus 20, we see where people were to be put to death for the following sins: Giving their children to Molech (a false idol), cursing your mother or father, committing adultery, sleeping with your step-mother/step-son, sleeping with daughter-in-law/father-in-law, same sex liaisons, marrying your mother-in-law, and bestiality. While most of these are severely frowned upon even in today’s standards, punishment was harsh and unforgiving.

But where am I going with this? How does the Old Testament relate to how I am raising my kids today? Just like we find that most punishments do little to correct our children’s behavior, God discovered the same thing. By the time Jesus arrived on the scene, Israel was a wild, unlawful place that had turned its back on God. With Jesus he tried a new tactic. Instead of punishing his children, he chose to forgive us our wrongs and turn them into learning experiences.

This is what he wants us to do with our kids as well. When our children decide to run across the road without checking for cars, again, stop yelling at them because you are scared (I confess to having done this many a time) and explain why you don’t want them doing this. Tell them in detail what can happen when they run across the road without paying attention. I tend to tell Ben that the hospital is a very boring pace with no toys or fun things to do. Having visited me there, he knows that’s the truth and it helps to drive my point home.

The key to these learning experiences is to make sure your kids understand the whys behind your rules. They need to chew and swallow before talking because we can’t understand what they are saying otherwise. Also, the food falling out of their mouths is making a mess which they will have to clean up instead of getting dessert. Always pair the reason with a consequence. Jesus did the same with his parables. He was the best teacher that I try to model, but never come close to.

Close to my heart is James 2:14-24. “What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, ‘go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

But someone will say, ‘You have faith; I have deeds.’

Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that-and shudder.

You foolish man, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless? Was not our ancestor Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. And the scripture was fulfilled that says, ‘Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,’ and he was called God’s friend. You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone.”

In today’s day and age, we have a saying for those who have faith, but don’t follow through in their actions. We say they are paying ‘lip service.’ They are more likely to tell you ‘do as I say and not as I do.’ Jesus tells us that we need to practice what we preach otherwise our words are empty and dead. Our children see this too. Not only do they need to understand why you make your rules, they also need to see you following them. Otherwise, our rules become meaningless. Why should they do what we say if we don’t believe it ourselves? Let us lead by example, emulating Jesus. As he told us in the above scripture, if we emulate Jesus, then we become friends of God. We will be considered righteous and justified.

Reflection

What rules do you try to enforce with your children that they constantly forget or ignore?

How can you explain the reasons behind these rules?

What consequences can you impose when the rules are broken?