conscience and congruency

I used to get all kinds of adrenaline and psych myself up before I hit a lic. I’d maybe do a a couple shots, hit a rail, whatever it took to get the balls to smash a window or make a phone call. .

It’s a similar feeling to approaching an attractive woman. Kind of like, you have to take an anxious dump, I guess. That’s the best I can describe it.

As I’m slowly becoming the man that I needed when I was growing up, I’m finding that I live with A LOT of guilt. Things I shouldn’t have done, things I could have done better; basically living in the past. No bueno.

But in that; I’m also finding that sometimes doing the thing you know to be right and congruent with self is just as difficult as making a conscious decision to steal something and requires the same amount of psych to get the ball rolling. . IE changing jobs, saying no, setting a boundary. Feels bad until it just doesn’t, anymore.


Just a few words on my heart

Onward and upward
Let’s go!