From Inside the Nut House -- Part 6

I left the boys in the care of Timberlawn Hospital at 3:15 am. Five hours beforehand, we had been sitting in my living room, talking about what a bitch life can be.

Life had been none to easy for either of them. Jay was bipolar and schizophrenic. Bipolar disorder causes drastic mood swings, and schizophrenia sometimes causes delusions. Both conditions required a doctor's care, which neither was getting.

Gabriel had been diagnosed by the family doctor as bipolar, though he'd never been to a psychiatrist. Gabriel spent lots of time in special ed classes in middle school due to his diagnosis of ADHD, or ADD. He said he couldn't pay attention long enough to figure out which one he had.

Besides experiencing the intense highs and lows of mood swings that bipolars have, Jay was dealing with a man in a trench coat.

The man appeared in his life from time to time, especially when he was under pressure. If you saw the movie "A Beautiful Mind," Jay's man in the treanchcoat was like Russell Crow's college roommate in the film. This person, invisible to anyone else, appeared in his life from time to time. The man, his words, and his behaviours, touched Jay's life in an inescapable way. It wasn't anything he would have chosen, if he had the choice.

~~

Gabriel's life with his mother, stepfather, and three smart blonde sisters, was unbearable for him. He felt as though he counted for nothing, but being a hindering load.

Jay moved in with the Forest family for awhile, after he left his mother's home. Jay said he couldn't stand to live in a house where his mother's girlfriend's opinion counted more than his. Enough said.

You wouldn't even have to be judgmental, to understand that Jay was living in a difficult environment. He was secure in his masculinity, if nothing else.

Jay was almost six feet tall, weighing just under 200 pounds. He had seven piercings. Jay had a lean, hungry look about him. What hair he let grow on his head, was dark brown. He had an air about him like James Dean in a 1950's movie, or "Fonzie" from Happy Days. Jay really was ready to be 18, but it wouldn't happen for five more months.

Gabriel's place in his family, whatever it was, seemed inconsequential. Three weeks after Jay moved in with the Forest family, Gabriel moved out.

Gabriel stayed at his friend David's house for a couple of months. Mrs. Forest took to Jay like the son she never had. It all seemed very strange to me.

Gabriel and Jay were the best of friends, and the Forest family seemed to get along just fine with Gabriel living at David's house.

So while Jay had been living with Gabriel's mother, step-father, and three pretty and smart blonde sisters for over a month, Gabriel spent most of the summer sleeping and hanging out at his friend's house, about three miles away.

Gabriel said David's house was more calm. He enjoyed staying at a big house so close to a creek. He said some nights he'd stay awake listening to the crickets, cicadas, and locusts.

Gabriel still came to my house, just two houses around the corner from his own family's home. Every week or so, he'd call and see if I needed any help. I usually did. Chores mount up.

I met Jay and David for the first time when I needed extra help to move furniture, and boxes and boxes of stuff to the garage, when my carpet was scheduled to be cleaned. Gabriel's friends, Jay and David, showed up to help. They hauled heavy stuff and I pointed.

In time, I came to think of them as the Three Muskateers. I remembered my own Three Muskateer group from my high school days. Those were the days, my friend.

These three guys were the best of friends. At some point in time over the summer, Jay and Gabriel were both living at David's house. Jay insisted he pulled his weight by pushing the lawnmower and doing chores, but after a few weeks he moved out of the Forest home too.

These three stuck together through thick and thin. From car repair to chasing chicks, they lived as one. They replaced the water pump in David's truck when it went out. Saturdays were often spent at the mall, looking for good looking girls and daring each other to try to get their phone numbers.

David had just landed a job with UPS, and was getting a dose of what it would be like working physical labor. With strawberry blonde coloring, his face flushed bright red as he worked in the almost 100 degree stagnant heat of the Texas summer.

David also had close cut hair and was almost six feet tall. He had a more stout build than Jay. David wore a stud under his lower lip, and was aware enough of public opinion to not wear it all the time. He called it a LaBrae.

He wouldn't be able to wear the earring at his UPS job. I teased him that he needed to get in the practice of looking professional, and he surprised me and took the stud out. I thought he looked quite handsome without a silver balled earring in the middle of his face.

Gabriel's friends were different sides of his own personality. The three completed each other.

After several hours of hot sweaty work, the boys were hungry. Not being the "Suzie Homemaker type," I called out for pizza.

I overheard many private comments when the three boys got together talking. During the month of August, they came to my house to visit, help with household projects, and general cleaning, several times. Dust piles up fast here.

They each got to see how it felt to give a $4.00 tip to the pizza delivery guy. David said the guy had a big smile when he saw how much his tip was. Little did he know at the time that David would end up having a lucrative stint as a pizza delivery guy while he attended art school.

One of the boys always met the pizza guy outside the front door, because "Elvis" could cause quite a mess if he got involved in the delivery process. My big affectionate hound dog loved the attention he got from the boys. There's something so Rockwellesque about a boy, and his dog, and a large colorful Dominos' pizza box.

I felt as if I were 17 again, in a queer way. I was around during a lot of their conversation time. They spoke absolutely openly around me.

The only difference was maybe that they didn't cuss that much. I think they showed respect for me that way. But, I was still like one of the guys.

For example, I knew that Jay had sex with Gabriel's oldest sister.

Despite the fact that I didn't have a very high opinion of Mrs. Forest, I couldn't say anything. I imagined she would have just died had she known her daughter had sex with Jay, right under her nose.

I tried to convince myself that such private comments were best not acted on.

I was none too popular around Gabriel's house, because his parents first thought I had taken matters into my own hands, and had checked their son into a mental institution.

They didn't understand it was Gabriel's priviledge to ask for help to deal with his issues about life in this world.

At age 17, government money paid for the boys' stay for evaluation and psychiatric treatment. I knew Gabriel needed a med change. I knew his temper could make him explode, because told me he regularly punched his first through the sheetrock in his bedroom. I believed it without seeing it. He had no reason to lie about something like that. He didn't usually lie, but Jay's stories became increasingly difficult to believe.

Jay was taking nothing medically prescribed, and he was making plans for his own death. His right arm had scab crusted slits from a knife in a dozen or more places. His entire inner right forearm sported a blister from a cigarette lighter burn. Infection looked probable when he went inpatient. Both boys needed a place to chill, and get their shit together before the new school year started.

I was continously amazed that I managed to not see Mrs. Forest, or talk to her. After sending that long unsympathetic letter, I called the florist and had them deliver a dozen yellow roses as a token of friendship. I knew only a couple of weeks had passed since her own mother's funeral. I didn't really want to be seen as an unruley busy-body, and instigator of problems in the neighborhood.

So, I was out of touch with the guys for a week and a half before Gabriel called to let me know what was going on with them.

"We left the hospital during the day on Monday, but we didn't go to school. I went on Tuesday. The computers at school screwed things up, and everybody had to register all over again. I'm still classified as a sophomore." Gabriel never said the most interesting stuff first. He got off track easily.

"That's good, Gabriel, but what happened in the hospital? Did they take your blood? Did they have to give you a shot?" I queried Gabriel for juicy details. He hated needles. He said he wouldn't go inpatient if they had to take his blood. I was glad he hated needles. I remember when I hated needles.

"No, but they gave Jay one--more than once. We got to be roommates at first, but they moved me to another room the last two days," said Gabriel.

"Did Jay get a shot because he lost his temper?" I asked. I'd seen Jay's body lock up, and he'd passed out and hit his head on the sidewalk when he was walking down the sidewalk with Gabriel the week before.

"Yeah, there was this guy that kept giving him shit. He finally lost it and punched him," Gabriel said. "There wasn't any blood."

I sighed. "Did you get straight about the rules? That seemed to be the biggest part of your worries going in, besides needles. I'm sorry they took your smokes away. It didn't occur to me that they would do that since you're not 18." I had felt very badly about that the night they checked in. They had expected to be able to partake of nicotine.

"Yeah, the rules were okay. We had this Indian doctor, and Jay would do impressions of him behind his back. He got caught once."

That didn't surprise me. They served their time, but didn't pay attention to the fact it was supposed to be a lesson. Children don't grow up until they have too. It's much easier to be known as a cut up, than standing up for what you think. Cut ups only have the skill of quick wit. They are easy targets for karma.

"Was it like I described it would be?" I was curious because I'd been hospitalized for depression in an adult unit before. I imagined the adolescent unit would be the same.

"Yeah, pretty much. We didn't get to go to the cafeteria with the other people at first. They gave us all this bad stuff to eat. It was really fattening."

"Was it healthy fattening food?" Gabriel didn't always say things so that I understood. I was out of touch with teenage vernacular. I still don't get the Doggy Dog lingo.

I had watched Gabriel sprout from a 13 year- old. He had grown from my shoulder height, to six feet, two inches taller than me. During all the years he'd been helping me with housework, we'd always both enjoyed something chocolate as a reward for a job well done, although his favorite was chips.

I didn't consider Gabriel fat, but he did. Since his growing spurt, he'd seemed less and less over weight. He had filled out fully for his 17 years. He was good football player size, but not fat.

He'd grown into a handsome young man, when he smiled. His hair and long full eyebrows were coal black, though his skin color did not necessarily portray his Hispanic heritage. His usual demeanor was solemn, and he looked like what he'd call a "bad ass," dressed all in black whenever possible.

"Jay left Timberlawn at the same time I did, but he's been to Green Oaks Hospital twice since then." Gabriel knew I wondered about his friend, who went into the hospital very close to suicide.

"He was released, then he was in Green Oaks twice? Where is he now? Are you guys taking medication?" I couldn't help having motherly concerns.

"He's okay, but I don't know where he is. I'll probably run into him this weekend."

"Thanks for the clothes and everything. I'll pay you back as soon as I can. I don't know how I'll do it, but I'll do it."

"That's fine Gabriel. You and Jay can always work it off. I want to paint the inside of my house soon." I knew he'd reimburse me by working for me, if he didn't get a real job soon. I wouldn't have asked for reimbursement, but I needed the money to pay bills.

I'd spent about $65.00 at Walmart buying t-shirts and jeans and socks and boxers for them, I asked the manager for a chairitable donation, but he couldn't help. He said if the boys had a church, that they could request on church letterhead, then Walmart could give a small amount to the church.

That wasn't going to help me pay my $450.00 electric bill. Summer had been very hot in Texas. It always is.

I'd wondered if the boys had frozen their fannies off. When the temperature was over 100 degrees, undoubtedly the hospital air conditioner would be on super chill. I remember taking shorts in the psych ward, and walking around covered in blankets because I was so cold.

Also, when I'm especially nervous, I'll get sweaty palms, then get cold, then start shuddering and talk funny. I guess everybody shows they get nervous somehow.

"Ms. Shelton, I've got to get off the phone because my sister needs to call in to her job. I'll come to your house later with David, if that's okay." Gabriel often ended phone conversations abruptly.

"Okay, Gabriel. I'll be at home tonight watching television, as usual. Ya'll come by if you get a chance." I wondered if the neighbors saw my young friends come to visit me at night. I felt that if they did, they probably had a mistaken impression of our relationship.

I told Gabriel, when I began meeting his friends, that I didn't want my house becoming a teen hang out. I think it has, by now. I consider that the Three Muskateers are all my friends now.

Nothing inappropriate ever happens. They respect that I'm an older single female, and any detailed discussions about sex, I quell immediately or I leave the room. One couldn't expect 17 year-old boys to never talk about sex. Sex is too much on their minds to be off their lips.

"Well, I certainly imagine that would hurt, a lot!" I said, walking to the kitchen from the living room where the four of us were talking and watching television.

Jay had been about to reveal (verbally) where this seventh non-visible piercing was located. I'd read about genetalia being pierced, and I didn't want to know for sure that's where it was.

Gabriel was asleep on the sofa. Jay shook as he laughed.

David jolted, as if waking from sleep. "What happened? What did I miss?"

I went to the kitchen to boail water for tea, heard the low mumbling of voices from the adjacent room, and then a chorus of laughter.

I didn't hear if that's where it was or not. I don't really want to know. That's more information than I need to know.

Jay had much more of a story to tell than Gabriel. We got together on a Sunday afternoon again. I remember it was a Sunday because some of the possible shelters for Jay to stay in were closed. He wasn't willing to try to stay with his mother. He thought he would be staying on the street.

At age 17, however, most shelters required a parent or guardian sign their child in. Jay spoke with his mother on the phone, and several times I heard his end of their conversation.

I never met, or talked to Jay's mother either. These two guys have absolutely blind, or invisible, parents.

Jay had been released from Timberlawn Hospital on Tuesday afternoon. Both the boys had phone numbers of people they wanted to keep in touch with, despite the rule that says not to do that. They said most of the chics in there were hot, even though they weren't at their best.

Jay was more generous with information on the Sunday he came to my house with Gabriel, saying he had absolutely no place to stay. They really treated me like one of the guys, like a big brother perhaps. My house was like the neighborhood tree house.

Although I had know Jay a short time, I felt like I'd known him forever. He'd lived in New Jersey, California, New Mexico, El Paso, and now Dallas. He said if he ever saw his father again, he'd kill him. The story was somewhat confusing, butI could see he meant it.

He'd been a psychiatric inpatient 13 times before he went into Timberlawn. Schizophrenia requires medication to treat symptoms. He wasn't taking his.

The man in the trench coat appeared infrequently at first, but more often as Jay entered the real world, with no parental support. The menacing man appeared to him, told him things, told him things to do. Even in talking about the man in the trench coat, Jay knew the man was just in his head. That didn't make him any less real to Jay.

He said he felt a special bond with me, because I encouraged him to talk about what the chemicals in his brain were doing to his daily life. Before, his mother told him to shut up or people would think he was crazy.

Jay is as street smart as any con twice his age. He said he's run drugs on foot, and carried a gun for protection. He was fewer than ten years of age when he had a little snub nose gun. He spoke of the gun with a smile of affection on his face.

"And that's why I'd kill that son of a bitch if I ever saw him again." Jay's father lived out of state, and was presently misplaced.

He spoke of different guns, and he seemed to have had a lot of experience with guns. He struggled through school classes, but he possesses a special quality, an inner drive, that must see him through his difficulties.
So far he's been able to fend for himself. Life is tough.