5-12

I should be in bed. There is just so much on my mind right now, this is almost like therapy for me. For those of you who found this isn't what you thought it was, sorry. I am just a girl looking for ways to cope with what life has dished out for me. If you're jumping in, and haven't read the entries before this one, I suggest you go to the beginning. You'll be lost... hell... I am losing myself!

My husband and I aren't getting along very well. It's funny, because everyone warned me that high school sweet hearts rarely stayed together. Yet I insisted that Dave and I would make it through anything. He told me before our last son was born that he wanted a divorce. I guess I was wrong about how strong our love was. He says that he loves me, he is just not in love with me. Well, I am still very much in love with him. As far as a divorce though, I won't give him one. Not without trying to work our issues out, at least for the kids. I can't just give up like that!

He knows that I started this journal. I wonder if he is going to read it at any point. It doesn't matter to me if he does, I am not saying anything here that I haven't already told him. I don't know how many times I have to tell him that I love him, but I am trying to do everything in my power to keep him. I am determined to make him fall in love with me again. Do you think that can happen? I hope that it will. It hurts to know that I am in love with someone who isn't in love with me.

Ahhh, here I go getting tears in my eyes. What a sap... ha ha. I just wish it were as easy as cupids arrow or something of that sort. It wouldn't hurt so much then. I guess love only goes so far these days.

Funny... I don't feel much like writing anymore tonight. I will try again tomorrow. At least I can gaurantee that the sun will come up. Maybe I will talk more about my kids... there are no tears when I think of them!!! My little rays of sunshine.

Goodnight.