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Failure begets more Failure
Death brings more Death.
Life causes more Life.
And yet truth spawns lies.

I have concluded two steps following any course of action in my life; nihilism or solipsism.
Nihilism, in the aspect of my beliefs crushes all my aspirations and goals as I feel weighed down by the emptiness of my soul and the futility of my actions. This impacts me at the base of my existence and my attempt at the betterment of anything and everything. I feel an existential dread, much akin to finding your body breaking like a toothpick rotting and crushing under the weight of the reality of the pointlessness of it all. I battle against this fear of isolation as I feel leagues of ocean apart from others. And yet, I still find myself at the center of my own actions, feeling betrayed and bemused.
My only solace is my view of solipsism denies my own perception as the sole truth but rather we, all sentient beings, view reality from a stream of self-generated information. This information is interpreted in a way that is meaningful to ourselves which we base our lives on. This basis of reality is comprised of the precept of those that come before us but our disillusionment is to ourselves rather to others. Our perception is not truly bound to our forbearers but rather the inspiration of our experiences.
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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/notebook/grigorisomnium