I really liked this poem especially the subject. It teaches a lesson and reminds us its not the outside of a person that counts its the inside. Thats where all the feelings are and they may have hurts or wounds we can not see. I wonder if maybe some of the sentences might be shortened, of course it would make the poem longer but its worth a try, Leila
The title drew me in and I can see potential with this poem with a little more work to make it happen. I especially liked the last two lines which gave it impact. Other than that it rambled at times and maybe if it was pulled together a little more it would help. Of course I'm not a professional so it may be it's just to deep for me. Either way it does have the potential to be a five with a little extra work on it. Keep writing and rewriting, thats what I have to do too, in order to pull it all together. Leila
This poem kind of pulled me in but the spelling created a barrier which needs to be corrected. I think it has great potential with a little work though. I'm always interested on how people think and why especially alone at night when thoughts usually run rampant! Keep writing I see great things ahead for you in this field. Leila
The title as I was zipping through caught my eye and I could not help but stop and visit for awhile! I am so glad I did or I would have missed this little gem. I enjoyed it immensely as it told of a life that was swiftly passing by. The hands of a person speak out with the kind of life we lead be it easy or hard. Thank-you for writing it! Leila
Now this poem touched me and I could feel everything the writer wanted to pass on to the reader, me! I liked it and have to say I gave it a 5 because of that which I don't do very often! Keep up the writing and I am sure you will go far. Meanwhile I'll visit your port again to see what other pearls you have tucked away!
This poem reveals a lot of pain and sadness which I can certainly identify with. I think that it shows you have depth to your writings and I want you to continue writing. It helps me deal with issues and keeps my mind at peace. Great piece of work by the way! Leila
Hello! I took up on the offer to visit your port. You are a gifted writer and this poem brought back to my mind my growing up years. Its so sad what we go through but we get through it, don't we? On this poem I have to give you a 5 since it touched me in my heart. Thank-you for writing about reality! Leila
This poem is good but a little deep for me I think! I understand part of it and I think it deals a lot with not trusting people but going ahead with a relationship. That is mt understanding! It makes one read it over and over again picking up the writers thoughts that they might have missed on the first try! Each time I read it I gain a little more insight into the thoughts of the writer and what he is trying to put across. Of course that is what a good writer hopes to accomplish and it looks as if that is what you have done! Keep writing!
this poem I must say I had to read 4 to 5 times before it began to come together for me. It is very good but deep! I liked it because of the deep gut wrenching feeling throughout. To me a person tht feels isolated would pick up on this, scared to go out and mingle or push forward. Maybe they are used to their routine and comfortable in it but still feel the loss of mingling with others. This poem causes one to think and has a lot of possibilities thats what makes it so good! Keep writing!
I really liked this insight to your feelings and consider it a pleasure to be able to read some of your work. Keep writing and I must say your sensitivity shows thru! Do you still need an upgrade, maybe I can help in some way. Please let me know! Leila
It took me a little but eventually i started to get interested in this story. It's not the kind I usually read and way out of my interest but it seemed to pull me in with possibilities! Keep up the storyline and adding to it since I can see that it should have a diverse audience!
This was such a great article to read and parts of it took me back to my teen-age years. I too, ended up pregant but my boyfriend and I married so now we are celebrating our 46 year of marriage. It even surprises us that we made it thru that turbulant time! LOL!! You have a way with words and pulling readers in so I hope to read more of your work.
I really enjoyed reading this poem and it hit home in a lot of ways. You have a great way of expressing yourself. The part that bothered me is below:
For I'm so beautiful inside,
So delicate and complex.
In their society,
You say "in their society" and you are a part of "Their" society whether you feel it or not. Why not put "our" society. To me it makes more sense but it is your poem so it's how you like it.
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I enjoyed reading this piece and it kept my interest. The best part was when you put in about your relatives and how they survived being poor. That really perked up my interest! I love reading about the days gone by, how families pulled together and just what they did. Blessings
The more I read your poem the more I liked it! You have a way with putting deep feelings on paper and expressing them. Abuse is so horrible to go through and leaves lasting scars. In my opinion I would think about not double spacing your lines but that is my own opinion. To me it messed up the flow. Keep writing as this is really very god. Blessings Leila
This poem hits right to the point, I will say that! It appears that in some places you are missing a few words and it makes the flow stagger. Read it through slowly and then see what you think. I do like the poem itself it just needs some brush-up work to rate a higher rating to me. I can see that you have the talent to be a very good writer if you just take your time and concentrate on your puncuation and concentrate so your not skipping words. Keep writing!
This is so very short and I like what I read so far. Sometimes less said the better but I would see if you can add a few more lines then let it go. Maybe some thing at the end like, " I'm just me". Just an idea to give it impact. It has such potential I would carry it a little further. Keep writing, you do a great job!
I guess this poem is way over my head. I can't understand it or for sure if it's talking about the child or the mom? It sounds like it's in the first person then it's in the second person. It's quite vivid as far as being descriptive. I'd say you have that down pat!!
This poem writes about a very hard subject but your descriptive phrase work real well in it. It reminds me of someone in a casket and still being able to have random thoughts. Maybe that's what you were referring to? Either way it was a sad poem. Some of the sentences appear longer and to my way of thinking some words could be omitted and still make the poem shine. Keep writing!
This poem made me think of the walks I take in the summer air and the random thoughts a person has when they are tuned in to nature. I liked it and you make it seem so easy putting your thoughts in poem form. The only thing I would correct would be removing the word "as" from this sentence.{ as always I wonder}. It kind of threw off the flow. Keep writing!
The tone of this poem is very good and I like the subject. I write religious poems also for greeting cards. You might try shortening some of the sentences up, that the flow of words might have more of an impact. Sometimes the shorter the sentence the better it is. But it is your poem and we each have our own unique way of writing. Keep up the good work!
This poem is very good and you have a flair for descriptive phrases. I like that it pulls a reader right in with the person in the poem.
It seems rather long with no breakdown in verses which I am used to seeing. Otherwise it appears to ramble. You might try that if you so wish. Keep writing
This poem did make me dizzy just reading it but I liked it very much It's something thats hard to write about but you did just fine. Sometimes I feel the same way maybe that's what made me identify with it. You could use some punctation help though and it may help. I'm not real good at puncuation myself but there is a lot of good people on this site that will help you out if you only ask. Keep writing, you do a good job!
This is such a sad poem and reminds me of the ones left behind to deal with the aftermath of suicide. Such a waste but it happens. I liked this poem because it is a hard subject to write about but it speaks truth all the way through til the end. It makes one think. Keep writing about subjects that are hard to put into words. You do a fine job!
To me this would be a hard subject to write about but I have to say you did a fine job! I liked it the more I read it and it has a certain something that I like! What it is I have no isea but still I like it! It would make a great blues song put to music maybe that's what it is to me. Keep up the writing!
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