After the dream, I feel this ache.
We'd never met before but we had instant recognition.
Our bond was marked by firm determination.
Until the present, caught up showing its teeth
Dredging so many beautiful faces and people, I’ve known.
And each one eager to kindle what they have lost
Leaving me breathless, and confusion my stead hold
this emotion illuminates a brilliant aura lighting my surroundings
Revealing an empty room and empty heart.
Therefore, I ran, and ran and searched desperately
Leaping and navigating through mazes
until I saw him sitting calmly in front of a screen.
An Attempted explanation becomes lustful outpouring
Recounting love and passion.
Those magnificent blue eyes speaking through my soul.
As though my lustful memories had betrayed who he was
and without a hug, he left me along in my dream.
A hollow ache in my back summoned my attention.
Until I find myself awake and laying in bed
wanting the dream back to clarify what happened
to ask who he is, and where to find him.
All day these emotions and images have captured my mind.
From a timeless dream, I've drifted in a melancholic mood, searching for a deeper meaning.
What then of my dream man, where did he go where is this man that I love madly?
Searching desperately, I began to realize that he was gone. A hallway appeared so I dashed down it, frantic to return to his presence. Through a doorway and suddenly there he was. Sitting in front of a computer screen, he didn't seem to notice me. I reached out to pull him close. My desire takes a firm grip of decision-making process.
I see the same loss of control in him.
A "feel-good feeling.” Like an addiction. It was as though we drown to each other.
Myself, always eying any prospect that lends hope of relief.
.
Ironically, only feeling free through the explosive moment of orgasm.
Then the moment is over and calmness follows I am like a puppet being led. Made to believe that I’m being taken to a place I want to be.
Sometimes fully content, but often too distracted by circumstance.
Whether from cheating, or from cheating myself.
Perhaps this de-flowered virgin is younger than before.
Or maybe she has wrinkles and a jealous husband
Maybe her heart is broken from unreturned love
It can be all these things and none.
And in that calm moment I wonder what went wrong?
Why can't this be real; the proverbial one?
Eventually the clothes return to their usual place
Awkward farewells grow much too familiar.
Walking away and feeling more alone than before the exchange of make shift love.
That nagging paranoia of a child returns and I feel as though I’m loosing my freedom.
Resolving to assert more self-control the next time.
Determined to hold off until the time is truly right.
Until such time that, my one true soul mate finds me.
Then a lean body and a dark tan distract me. Or those incredible blue eyes that reach as far into me as no else has. And once again the resolve to fall in love or in lust once more.
Smiling in lustful hopes that clouded memory returns of that man standing in the hall.
Where are you? Are you truly just a dream? I need you, can you hear my cires?
I was only a dream!
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