I think your story is interesting. This is really an unique idea and very original.
I like the way you use many variety words to describe the situation and event in the story. There isn't the repetitive words that make me bored to read this. And, the way you describe that it really good because you give me the imagination from the setting and that make me more connected to this story.
But, I feel no connected with the character. I can imagine who is the character. The gender is little vague to me. And, the physical aspect and the personality aspect isn't give me more about the characters.
But, overall, I like this and when I read this I really feel the goosebumps because I feel fear and wanted to hiding from that. Good job from you :)
Hi, I find your story is really great and I want to give my appreciation.
I think your story is good and I feel really sad when he was retelling the story to his girlfriend. And, when you make the crashed, my eye's wide and feel a goosebump. Although I have a few guesses about the story, but I don't really know what do you plan with this. I hope my review can help you to improve your story.
Personally, I think your writing skill is really good. I can know the situation really well and understand the event that held in the story. I also know the personality from yours character from theirs thought and interact with other people. For the drama situation, I like the way you ending this chapter. I think this is make me (as a reader) curious and wanted to know what happen to the main character.
For your reference, maybe you can make the first two paragraph from the next chapter little vague and don't give too much detail about his condition. Maybe, you can give the point of view from his girlfriend (Jen) and how her feelings about that. After that, you can give the description about his (Nick) condition. Personally, I think that will make more drama and make reader falling to your story.
I really like this story and I can't wait to read the continuation from this chapter. :)
Hi, you write something that make me curious. I hope my review can help you decide what to do with this story.
For the short introduction, I think you make a great description about the situation setting. I can know that they are a young couple and will have big responsibility to be a parent in such a young age. You also did a great job to describe the character and I know their personality from their thought and interact with the other.
So, I think if you want to continue this, you are in the right way because this is good and you just have to expand and develop the plot. If you want to portrait the teenage couple, you can make the background about them and how their relationship develop. And, if you want to add some angst, you can portrait their struggle when they know they will be a parents in such a young age and theirs family reactions with the news.
I just want to say that whatever you plan, you can write it. I think, your writing skill is good to do that. I hope I can read the continuation of this story :)
Hi, I find out that your story is interesting to read. For your information, I like the fantasy story and I want to give you a little bit comment from your story.
The thing that I like:
- I like your idea about teenager friendship and the way you improve that to have a magic part in the plot. I also like that you give an explanation and description about the characters. That make me to know their appearance.
The thing that you can improve:
-When I read this, I was feeling that your pace is too fast. You need more description about the situation and maybe more dialog between the three characters. This way, you can make the story more longer and also you can give the reader know the personality from your characters. I think that will make reader become connected to your story and can understand better the story.
I have a feeling that the friendship have the important role in your story. So, you can maybe add more the interaction between the three characters and that will portrait their friendship. And, maybe you can search more story about adventure, fantasy, or anything that can help you to expand your story. This will make you easier to develop your plot and make this story more interesting.
Overall, I like the idea and can't wait to see the continuation. :)
Hi, I read the description of the story and wanted to read this.
Overall, I think your story is interesting. I feel curious about the darkness that you mention and why the character seem troubled in the first paragraph. The flow is seem natural to follow, but the pacing is too fast. I feel you rushing to the point when he accept the end of paper. I can;t find enough frustration from your character and I think the frustration and confusion is a good plot until he feel this like a chore, maybe you can mention the exact time (like two weeks, ten days, until this is become a chore).
And, its really good if you can describe your character more (maybe with the little bit description of physical appearance or the little bit of his thought), so the reader can imagine the character and feel connected to him.
But, for the idea, I really like it because it feel new and fresh.
Hi, I read this because I think your synopsis is interesting. The truth is, you really make the interesting story. But, I think its to short to my liking. I can get what you wanted for your short story, but maybe you can improve this and add more paragraph (two or three). Well, you can add the description about her experience in that dark place. But, maybe you can add that after she was awake and realize that she being alive again, because that last part really make me surprise and that is a good surprise. :)
Hi, I just want to say that I like your writing. This is make a reminder to me that He always there for me. I especially like your ending. I just failed my test today and feeling really down. But, that word remind me again that maybe God has a better plan for me. And, to remind me that I must try and work harder to make my dream come true. I always know He loves us.
I think, your writing is really inspirational. Personally, this isn't make me weird to read.
I like the way you describe the setting of place. I can really imagine that and that really make me falling to your story. I really feel the fear and the tragedy in this. Personally, I can related to this story because I studied Psychology and I have been read why people can change when war appear. Because of that, I like the way you tell this story because it seem real and natural enough to know the situation.
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