Wow. This is so incredible, and I'm happy I came across the opportunity to read it. Goosebumps, tears, the whole shabang came with reading this piece. I really don't have much to say other than you are clearly incredible and crazy talented, and I'm always grateful for anything I read that move me to a fluttering heart, tears, and goosebumps. So, thank you for writing and sharing. This is an important piece of work.
I REALLY love the concept of this story. I'm a sucker for things a little on the darker side. There are some pretty strong fragments here.
"Spring is how the universe puts me in my place."
"The way a cardinals red stands out against the clean white and grays."
"My green feels like envy, queasiness, and disaster."
"His hands ending in a too-smalll 'o' around my neck."
These are all of my favorite lines, I really like how they hit. There does seem to be a small felling of something being missing, or maybe simply a subtle missed opportunity in more refinement. This may be the poet in me, but I think it could potentially be really interesting if you compared aspects to spring with things that are generally, objectively unappealing to bring the reader in more intimately for the distaste of Spring the narrator truly has. I also think there is a possibility something about the overall story would feel more striking if you somehow flowed into a descriptive telling of the narrators murder as opposed to revealing the twist (a great twist) by simply stating it plainly before gently touching on some detail of the event. Again, this could just be the poet in me. But I think this is a really strong piece and has the potential to be even stronger, the story here is heavy and has the ability to really leave the reader enchantingly unsettled with just bit more refinement.
Overall, this was a cool read I enjoyed it very much and love, love the concept behind it. Great job, never stop writing.
Of course, I had to look into some more of your poetry after reading that last piece. This is the first one I clicked on, and of course... I love it. I'll admit a trait of my own that I'm not at all fond of and hope to improve, is my lack of attention span when it comes to so many things. Reading, ironically, is one of them. I know I'm about to at the very least really like something, if I can bring myself to push through the first three sentences or lines of something. And with your work, flowing through it requires no effort on my part at all. I don't mean to do too much, seem overly enthusiastic, or make you feel like I'm blowing smoke up your ass. I just get really happy when I read something that I really enjoy lol
Maybe this one is particularly satisfying for me because I can, in a way, relate to the experiences and feelings described in this poem. My experience came to a different close after many years and reading a poem that brings me back to the way things had been a long time ago, in this particular moment of my life especially, means something deliciously bittersweet for me.
You've definitely gained a true fan today :)
This is incredibly beautiful, I can't stop reading it. The imagery this poem invokes is incredibly appealing, like a renaissance painting. For lack of the ability to word this in the way I want to... Have you ever seen of heard of the show This Is Us? I hope you have. Your poem takes me through the special feeling this show also incites. A certain... heavy heart filled with a special appreciation and admiration for life and its beauty through all things good and bad. The beauty of how scary life is, the beauty of how the simplest things can make the most impact. This poem seriously makes me want to gain a collection of pearl buttons, just so I can provide significance to them through the eyes of my own children and pass them down. This poem is something I'd want to share with my own children as a tool to emphasize magic in life's passing moments. Really incredible. I'm in love with it, truly.
I love the raw, deconstructed nature and honesty in your writing. As I was reading this, I felt as though most of the numbered items listed, if not all of them, carried their own life, energy, impact, and potential. I would be really interested in seeing what kind of piece(s) would result, if you sat with and devoted your mind, emotions, and curiosity to each numbered item, one at a time. If not all of them, maybe any one or couple that grab you the tightest when reading. Maybe even explore the internet for words, metaphors, images, etc that your own words inspire you to search for. I think there's a possibility you would be able to find incredible inspiration through your own work and create several refined, thorough, and unique pieces through your already beautiful, raw, deconstructed styled thought pieces. I think a large reason why this thought came to me when reading your work is because it reminds me so much of my own process, after realizing how good it felt to put down my naturally vivid and expressive thoughts on paper, I decided one day to just play around with what was already there and creating more from what was already a wonderful release, was/is such an indescribably satisfying feeling.
Anyways, I love your stuff and I hope you've been enjoying getting accustomed to this site as much as I have. (:
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