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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/andrewbice
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Public Reviews
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Review of Hell's Own  Open in new Window.
Review by AQ Bice Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
What a great snapshot of feelings. Here's a woman at the end of her life and she knows it. She struggles to accept it, instead living vicariously through memory of her glory days. And then there's the AquaFit instructor whom she naturally feels smitten with somehow. She shows us her true colors when she challenges his attention, challenges him in the hopes of some kind of affirmation of who she thinks she should be. Very well done!
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Review by AQ Bice Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
This is quite a snapshot of the girls upbringing. I think you could definitely take a little more time to expand on things - each event and character. You also said in the beginning that the father had traded one addiction with another; maybe you could illustrate with each episode of his in this chapter how he would have behaved or reacted in the past when he was just drinking. It would be very easy to develop his character by comparing the two. Nice work.
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Review by AQ Bice Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Interesting. I like how you've personified the trees. The description of colors against the sky is cool too. Another part I really like is how you flipped the question in the beginning around - "Perhaps it was the tree itself that flattered the world around it". This is very open-ended. That is to say, it left me wondering who this girl is, where she is and if the afformentioned trees are more than what meets the eye. Not sure what your ultimate goal was with this but it could definitely be part of something much larger. In the spirit of refinement, I would say try to avoid using the word 'tree' quite so much haha. I'd read another installment to this to see where you'd take it.
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