Okay, you totally got me with this one. Thought it was an environmental poem and the ending made me laugh. Well done. I do love my snow, so LA is not somewhere I'm likely to ever move. I think in the fourth stanza you meant "eaves" instead of "eves". Anyways, thanks for the smile.
You're attempting something really big here with this prologue, describing something as it becomes self aware. Your description as it stands right now is very abstract. He's becoming aware of barriers and energies without anything to really differentiate what he's sensing. What is it that first breaks through to make him aware there's life outside his crystal, because that's not the type of thing a person discovers on their own. Something has to come through to him. Then, when he reaches out, does he hear the hum of the air, the slap of the water against the cave walls? Play to our senses, because a purely mental, non-sensory "awareness" of the outside world is not going to read well. And what is it that sets him free? At least give us some solid clues.
Probably most people are scared of the dark at least a little bit, myself included. The title reminded me of the song "Afraid of the Dark" by Bosque Brown, but that's neither here nor there.
I think the first thing that should be done to improve this poem would be to iron out a few of the lines, make them more direct statements. For example "I hear these scatting and scurrying sounds" instead of "Scatting and scurrying sounds I hear". Now, that's going to mess up your rhyme scheme, so it's going to be a massive edit, but I think it will improve the poem a lot.
Overall, I thought the poem was fairly strong, but kind of bogged down as it went along. It could be helped a little bit if it were broken up into stanzas probably. The opening two lines are the strongest of the whole poem I felt. Some of the lines are pretty abstract, even to the point where it's hard to see what they add to the poem (I have the same trouble in my poetry) - particularly "intellectual not only in mind/stupidity only falls short of a joke" and "Definition always lies in the name". I think if you could clear those lines up it would make it a much stronger read.
This is a really strong poem. The imagery is simple and clear and very effective.
In my opinion, since it rhymes, it should be in meter as well, which it's not. It reads awkwardly if it's not.
All the "shall"s make the poem a bit stilted. If I were you, I'd keep "shall stand" and "shall stay", but change "shall grow" to "will grow" and "shall bloom" to "will bloom". Plus "will" is a better stress for "bloom".
That last phrase, "bloom beautiful and bold" is an excellent, strong finish, perfect for the poem with all those b's. Well done.
Because it rhymes in places, I feel it would read better with tighter meter. It seems like there's almost a rhyme scheme and almost a meter, so I would suggest either fixing it so they're formed, or getting rid of all the rhymes and rhythms and making it completely free verse.
The imagery was very vivid, which I liked, although "savage rape" may have been a touch strong for this poem. I would try to avoid the parts where you're telling the reader that this is a writer's mind we're talking about and focus on the imagery like the bone walls to drive that point home.
It's a good idea for a poem and a good start, it just needs a few layers of polish on it in my estimation.
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