This review is a mixture of; constructive criticism and my upmost deepest feelings which place upon this short story. However I will not think too hard as I review, for mistakes are moral, the greed in which morals are found.
'Truewing', I strongly advise you to re-read this over, and over again. The structure in this story is unclear, the verbal and punctual are miss-leadings in a dimension of over coming such a praise full, demanding effort.
Advice I would offer.:
On this website 'Writing.com" You will find plenty of helpful categories, such as; Common comma errors, Difference between there, their and they're, Noun and verb corrections, ect.
All is wise in this story, but I as you would truly change and read over.
From a critic point of view, as a fellow "WDC" member, It is critical and upmost certainly ruins the read (At least by me) that it is not wise to give the reader the 'Moral' of the story, for a story is the readers imaginative description in his/hers own eyes.
The fact that is 'Experience' would outline the need for a constructive overview of the writers own self comment.
'Wolfs' as written in your story would mean the wolf (as the one) would be an adjective to describe the feature/features. 'Wolves' would be the plural to 'wolf'.
Thank you for the post and opportunity to read and review. Write on!
Remember that, when one parallel door shuts, the revolving door will simulate another to open, you as the revolver gives you the chance to take the open door or shut both and stay motionless.
The poetic sense in this poem is very unstable. You go from a 'sensible act' to a vulgar stand. In my eyes, poetry is an understanding of how one or many things are felt. You have a lot of feelings in here, but I suggest you clean up on how to express it, if I may set some examples and suggestions.:
Why can't things just stay the same - Why can't we just stay the same? Why must good always change - Why must good things always change!
Keeping the same beat and syllables in act.
I did love the personal effect you have done, and I know it is none of my business to interfere with one's poems, especially it being on a personal matter, but I am just trying to clear and help out the words and syllables. =)
I love the line that you have done.:
I only ask for simple things;
a hug, a kiss, not diamond rings
But maybe change (No diamond rings)
and you need a colon not a semi-colon for 'I only ask for simple things'
I really did love the poem though, very well-done (:{/orange}
If you don't mind, would you be able to review and rate my poem, 'By a tear'
Complete own opinion.
The dialogue has seemed to be put off. The direction from the 'first chapter' felt as if it was calming, and responsive enough to let down my guard for 'mistakes'. A little more open-minded I've become for this chapter. I just hope you release that amount of potential i saw in the first chapter. Over all 3.0. Still hoping the next chapters are compelling enough.
Mistakes worth mentioning;
eighth paragraph, fifth line; "and got into driver seat." re-assemble the sentence.
Try spelling '16' Sixteen.
Tenth paragraph; use an explanation mark, instead of an full-stop.
Still loving the story-line and characters though. Please keep it up. Much appreciation.
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