Chapter I review--am doing my notes in blue. Most is just basic edit work. If you have any questions about why I suggested something, just let me know. Check on the paragraphing, as I made a few changes, not in blue. Hope this helps!!!
At ninety-five, Evelyn - or Nana - as Em called her - was as stubborn as a mule.Evelyn (or Nana, as Em called her) was . She could outdo anyone when it came to working in the garden, cleaning house, or just walking in the woods. On many occasions Ems' momSue, tried unsuccessfully to talk her mother into finding some help, but sheNana refused. When old Doctor Burford called and said she had fallen and broken her collar bone and wrist there was no stopping her mom,9delete Sue. Arrangements were made, Wayne, Em's dad, put a "For Sale" sign in the front yard, and the packing was done. They were on their way to Arkansas.
Em had delete shed many tears of sadness on leaving the only home she had ever known, and all the friends she had made through the years, but she was getting excited about the move.
She thought about the many summers she and Brad had spent with Nana. They both loved the mansion's vast open backyard with its pathways of white gravel that wove down and around the ferns, the gingers and the flower beds of roses and purple delphiniums surrounding the old trees. When summer was over and the family went back to Florida, the smell of perfume wafting from Nana's roses, lingered with Em throughout the school year.
The one dark spot in Ems' mind was the menacing forest at the back of the yard. Its trees plunged high into the sky shutting out most of the light from the sun. She remembered the terror of being lost in it when she was four. Even thinking about it now, she could hear the wind howling throughout the branches, sounding like a pack of wolves on the prowl.
As the car sped quietly along the highway, Em closed her eyes to take a nap and thought about all the times she had been with her grandmother. It was funny how she remembered Nana always being there. She couldn’t help but laugh thinking about Nana saying to her “Em, try and concentrate, you can see the faeries just like I can.”
Em would say “Aww Nana, you know that aren’t any real faeries.” Even when they found her in the forest, Nana held her tight for hours, and said, “Em you’re safe, the faeries helped to find you. We love you.”
Ems' mom was happy enough to allow her mother to hold onto her. Em and Nana had a very special bond, just as Nana and her daughter, Sue, did.
When Em would come to visit for the summer, they would play with Nanas’ faeries together, and Nana said, “Em you name some of the faeries for me.” Em named quite a few. When they worked in the vegetable garden Nana would say, “Watch out for the faeries, you don’t want to hurt one of them.” When they cooked spaghetti and meat balls together, Nana would always say “Be sure and don’t burn yourself Em.” When they read about faeries and ghost, Nana would continue to say “Em, you must open your eyes to seeing my faeries. Some day they will be yours to take care of.”
One thing about Nana, at five feet two inches and weighing in at one-hundred and ten pounds, she was a "tough cookie," as her mother phrased it, and she could do anything she put her mind to. She kept up with the large mansion she lived in and she made sure the gardens were kept in perfect shape. She let a man come once a week and use her riding lawn mower to mow the grass, trim bushes and pull weeds. If she had some new flowers, she would have him plant those with her instructions.
But the time Em treasured the most is when she was in the which? room with Nana. She talked about fairies and how they were real. She told Em she was capable of seeing them too. Em would say again, "Oh Nana, I have yet to see any faerie and I have stayed with you many times!" Nana would smile, and say nothing more. Em and Nana loved each other so much. Em would spend the night with her every other weekend. There was a bed built into the wall in the large dressing room. This is where she slept. Nana said it used to belong to a maid who lived in the house many generations ago.
Then she would begin her story tellingtelling her stories of past generations. Em felt like she was listening to her read a book and Nana would substitute family names in it as she went along.
“Brad! Stop kicking the back of the seat,” Sue said with a raised voice.
Em sat up and rubbed her sleepy eyes. “How much longer do we have, mom?"
“We still have several hours to go Em,”
Em laid lay back and closed her eyes again and quietly drifted back to sleep. She thought about how what it would be to live with Nana. She remembered this-delete There was one weekend when she was sleeping overshe had asked “Nana how did they get water in the kitchen and bathroom before it was updated?” Em asked.
“Well, at one time there was a system on the roof that would catch the rainwater. The water would then wind its way through the pipes into the bathrooms. Did you know rainwater was the best for your hair and skin? As for the kitchen, there were young men to bring water up from the lakes.”
She pictured Nana working in her garden with the sun shining on her head. It brought out her beautiful silver gray hair. She looked up and saw a very tall man going towards her. As he came closer she could see how handsome he was. He had a smirk on his face. Nana looked up and threw her hand over her mouth. She tried to get up as fast as she could, but this man was too close. He swung his hand at her and knocked her down.
"No, no, go away!" Em saidshouted. "Stop it. Leave her alone!"
"Em, Em, wake up! You're having a nightmare. Come on, we're here.” Em jumped up and slid out of the car. After two and a half days on the road, they had made it one hour before the Moving Van pulled in. Em was really excited. Once the van was unloaded, everyone got busy unpacking boxes and settling into their new home. As Em walked through the front door with her last box, Nana called out.
"Em, can you come help me?"
Placing the box on the floor, she ran through the parlor to Nana’s bedroom and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Nana sat in her overstuffed chair looking thinner than Em could remember. Her arm was in a sling and her wrist had a cast up to her elbow. Em could not ever remember seeing her grandmother so pale and with dark circles under her eyes.
"What can I do for you Nana?"
"Would you hang my crystal chimes back up by the window, and then take the bowl of water and cloth back to the bathroom for me? My crystals needed a little bath to get their sparkle back."
"Sure," she said and hurried with the bowl and cloth through the dressing room into the bathroom. She loved the old bathroom. It was huge and had a claw-foot tub with gold spigots; the toilet still had a pull chain. It was one of the things Nana refused to change. She had new plumbing, wiring and the necessary things in the kitchen updated a few years back, but she wanted to keep her bedroom and bathroom looking the same as it always did. Setting the bowl and cloth down, Em walked back through the large dressing room, glancing over at the maid's bed built into the wall. It was special because this is where she slept during their "girls" night together. It was her favorite time.
Em came back into the bedroom, took the step stool from the side of Nana's feather bed, and pushed it next to the wall by the window. “Is this where you want it Nana?”
“Yes hon, right up there on that hook.”
Em climbed up and placed the chimes onto the hook next to the window. She heard a little giggle. "Did you hear that Nana?"
"Hear what, Em?" Nana said with a smile.
"That giggle." Em said.
Nana laughed with her soft laughter and said, "It's one of the faeries. They love my crystal chimes."
Em laughed too. Sure it is. She loved the way Nana talked about faeries and unworldly things such as ghost. She was the best story teller in the county. Em paused for a moment; Nana's room did have an air of mystery to it. It wasn't surprising though; the entire house had its own amount of mysteriousness with its secret hiding places, fake walls, doors, cabinets and panels. Em thought to herself, I do remember thinking I saw one of them move. Oh, but that’s because I listen to Nana’s stories. I know it can’t be real.
"Look, the sun is shining through the crystals making a rainbow. They're so beautiful."
"It’s special Em, and one of my favorite things," said Nana.
Em thought about a part of her dream when she was asleep in the car. “Nana, do you remember when I use to play faeries with you?”
“Indeed I do Em, Nana said as she sat in her overstuffed chair. “You gave several of them a name. Do you remember what they were?”
“Mmm, let’s see,” said Em as she walked over to NanasNana's dresser. “This one is Agatha,” and she pointed to one with red hair. “There are so many I have forgotten though."--delete
“Oh! And this one is Samantha. There’s Daphne and that one is Lillith. I think you named her, not me.”
“You do remember a lot of them. You use to fight dragons with them and when you won, you would give them one of my necklaces or bracelets as a medal.”
“I remember, Nana. They hung around their tiny necks and would slide off down onto your furniture.”
“That’s right. Have you tried to see them, Em?”
“Oh Nana, you know they aren’t real. Anyway, I have to go finish unpacking the boxes in my room. I’m so excited about our living here with you!” Em exclaimed as she walked out of the room.
“Me too, Em,” Nana replied, “Me too.”
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| (4.5)
| (4.0)
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Overall Impression: I read and enjoyed the Voyager version before I read the Prologue. The Prologue works, and had I not read the other one first, I would have been completely satisfied with it. Frankly, I fell in love with the sibilant sounds in the first one. The characterizations of Mikael introduced with the longer versions made me more interested in what happened to him. The nasty food he is delivering had me cringing, but also understanding what Mikael and the crew have been going through. That understanding is missing in the shortened version.
Overall Impression: This is a very modern style piece, with a kaleidoscope of images. You seem to be taking a style similar to Hemingway.
Overall Impression: Very humorous! You caught the very nature of the cat!