Good strong prose. Good use of imagery for both Harry and the Morlock, though perhaps a little too evident - I was guessing an angel and a demon before the supernatural really started to fly. Though I was wrong, wasn't I, so perhaps you've got it spot on.
Sounds very much like the beginning of a longer tale. I'd like to know more about Cara from the beginning - what set her apart from the other ladies at the diner? Is she younger? Prettier? Smarter? Something's up with her. You might be unveiling in your own way, and I suspect you are. Keep at it.
First: good information to know. I'll remember not to feed gummi worms (or bears, or gummi anything) to a horse.
Also, excellent prose. At the beginning, the detail added did a nice job of evoking the setting. Balloons, hot dogs, all of it. Yeah, the fair. I'm there.
The dialogue works - though one nitpick I have as a parent of small boys is Thomas is just slightly a little too self-aware and witty. Small boys are cheeky, come out with all kinds of stuff, but he just hit me as a little too sharp. "I'm almost a grownup" - "mum keeps wandering off". If this is part of a larger piece that shows Thomas as more than he seems, I get it...though really it just caught me a little, nothing too outrageous.
Interesting indeed. I very much liked the underlying concept that human sentience has been driven by the ghosts of a former civilization - a new twist on the "alien seeding" concept. I noted the "second chance" line early on. Are the Aki making the same mistakes they did before? Are the mistakes inevitable for an advancing civilization?
I found the science eminently plausible; your use of jargon was appropriate and useful. This could very well be the germ of a larger work; looking in two directions - forward as the Aki guide humanity, and backward as you delve into the earlier civilization of the Aki. Parellels would abound, and perhaps new /old conflicts emerge. I suspect some Aki would seek to overcome the physical limitations of their hosts; perhaps one or several with ambitions beyond being an unseen, unfelt presence might happen to inhabit a human with ambitions of their own...all sorts of possibilities.
I really wanted to know more about the Aki. You've got me hooked. Nice work.
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