There was a lot of confusion in the writing, and I think that is what you were trying to put across. It work well in creating a dizzy kind of fear, but I couldn't help but get irritated at times by the vagueness and disorientating nature of the text.
I liked the twist at the end, at the revelation. It was interesting, and had a definitive style, which simply falls down to taste that i didn't particularly like the style myself.
I would encourage you to write, I'm sure more people would like it, and if I had more of a taste for the style you write (if you read my portfolio items, like "The Book" or "Pursuit" , you'll find I write in a more conventional style) I would have enjoyed it more. That's no fault of yours though, you cannot account for personal taste.
Good luck with future work
Mark
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