Good story Grampa Mike. My only complaint is the line that says "I know what let's do." It doesn't sound right. I suggest maybe using "I know what we'll do" or "I know what we should do" or "I know what we're going to do." Other than that, the story looks pretty solid. It's a very interesting plot, especially the surprise ending. What was your inspiration for this story?
Sincerely,
-Bronson T. Rand
Wow Early, this is incredible. The detail you put into it, and the strength of your words is truly astounding. Before I get to more praise, I did notice one mistake. In the first line of the story, I believe you are missing the word "with" after "coated." This is an interesting piece. It is a classic tale, told much darker. I like it. No, I adore it. The way you set up the characters and flowed the story. I must know, what was your inspiration for this? It's just such an entertaining story, until the stanza at the end, where it seems to hold meaning. Men are wicked, thus they meet wicked ends. Speaking for myself, of course, I do not believe all men are wicked, but those who are deserve a wicked end. What was your inspiration? Again, great story. First five I've given. Just fix the one error.
Sincerely,
-Bronson T. Rand
Wow, great piece. You carved out the characters well. It was particularly great how you made the back story of Jared. You made the relationship between Jared and Cass so real in such a short time, I could feel it very early in the story, around the first or second line. You continued to build throughout the story, and it seemed pretty complete by the end. Great job.
Sincerely,
-Bronson T. Rand
Wow. This is so... so... This is great. Stunning. I can feel the hurt, the love-lost feeling, and the hopelessness. It's frightening, and understanding. I really like this poem Kevin. The recurring drip adding what seems like suspense, and the resolution seems like it should be in a story. You told an entire story in a few lines. Keep up the amazing work. Bravo Kevin. Bravo.
Sincerely,
-Bronson T. Rand
Good story. I enjoyed how the theme was created so fully in such a short amount of time. There was only one spelling error that didn't seem to be due to the accent, supprised which is suppose to be surprised. Or was that on purpose too? Considering the word limit, this was a good story. Great job.
Sincerely,
-Bronson T. Rand
Well, it's a good story, but you should try to improve your grammar, punctuation, and spelling. When you said "deep breathe," I believe you meant to say "deep breath." Also, commas are very useful, giving the sentence more of a smooth flow. Quotes are very helpful too. I see you used some at the end, but you should also be aware that they are used to show speech. When someone talks, "Such as this," it is helpful, and less confusing to the reader when they see this. Again, you might want to work on spelling. Bite is the verb itself as well as the future tense: "The dog is going to bite," whereas bit is the past tense: "I bit off more than I could chew." Wright should have probably been right, as in correct, unless you were referring to the Wright Brothers. Sentences such as, "Deep inside me was trying to convince to have a small chat with that old man but I feared his stare and his strong piercing words," would probably be better off as: "Deep inside me, I was trying to convince myself to have a small chat with that old man, but I feared his stare and strong, piercing words." This was a great try, and it was a great story, you just need to work on your writing basics a bit. I really liked the description you put into the story. Remember, an edit can go a LONG way.
Sincerely,
-Bronson T. Rand My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
That is a great poem. Short, yet impacting. The comparison between the difficulties on the road to heaven and the simple, yet important and challenging thorns of a rose. Great job.
Sincerely,
-Bronson T. Rand
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