Wow - so much time and effort must have went to into this to actually make all those events not only into lyrics, but into lyrics that actually made sense! I give you a lot of credit on this. You are making music and a statement - and that is what true song writing is all about.
Wow. This is one meaningful piece! I think the line, "For so many 'buds' don't flower." really hit me the most. Anyway, I think the only area for improvement (if there is such a thing with this piece) would be in the title. Poverty and Power just doesn't give this piece justice, and afterall, justice is what this is all about . Wow.
I think I would enjoy this parody more if I actually knew what Major-General was! Anyway, I enjoyed your lyrics. You are one witty character, and I'm sure any writing.com writer would get the same kick out of it I did. Keep up with the parodies - you're quite grand at them!
I like this. It has a lot of meaning in its words, and I think that is key to a great song. Anyway, the part that I don't like is the ending. It seems weak. In story songs, I usually like a big unexpected, dramatic ending. Anyway, I like this, and I'll love to read the chorus when you make it!
I like, I like. I was wondering if the "Staring eyes, staring eyes, staring eyes, etc." was part of the chorus, or perhaps a bridge or refrain or some odd named part of song. Also, when you write your own music, do you only write the lyrics? Or, do you accompany it with an instrument(s)? I play guitar, and am transposing some of your lyrics into a song as we speak (don't worry - I'm simply admiring your work, not stealing it!) Well, I love the words. Your song is meaningful and compelling. I love the first two lines. My only area of improvement would be the title..
Unlike any piece of work I've read. This is unique in its own way. It is a great story line. However, there is a lack of detail. Certain aspects could be weeded out in such a short story. For example, the mentioning of Maressa detracts from the general idea of the story because she is only mentioned once and no relevant facts are given about her. Some parts of the story are vague. There are a few grammatical errors here and there (nothing a good, clean Word spell check wouldn't catch). Obviously, indentations are needed (by adding <indent> to each paragraph). As for paragraphing, consistancy in length is lacking, but not badly. Overall, great job. I enjoyed every second of reading it.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bunks
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 4:17am on Nov 25, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
. Wow.
Anyway, I enjoyed your lyrics. You are one witty character, and I'm sure any writing.com writer would get the same kick out of it I did. Keep up with the parodies - you're quite grand at them!