Thank you for giving me the opportunity to review this piece. I've read this piece a few times to feel the flow of the poem and to look for any areas that I stumbled on. Overall it was a good piece. I liked the message and I think that it goes a good job expressing the feelings that mothers have to separate from their children.
There were a few spots where it felt keeping the rhyme was more important than the line itself. For example, They will see you as little and wish on your star. I'm sure you had a thought when you wrote this and it made perfect sense to you, but to me, it doesn't mean anything. I often write poetry and the lines seem so crystal clear and then no one gets it. So I do understand that it does happen. I think that is one of the difficult parts of poetry with end rhymes is that you are at the mercy of finding a word that rhyme while keeping the meaning. Another example is Pardon are foibles. We have paid our fee. I don't see love or sadness as a weakness, though I'm not 100% that's what you were referring to here and if it's that love and sadness that you are referring to, I personally wouldn't ask to be excused for caring and then there is the fee part. I'm not sure what fee you are referring to. I can come up with a million of things I feel I have earned from being a mother, however, if I can't be sure what you meant and I'm a mom, men may not understand what you are meaning because they aren't.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to review this story. Before I get to my thoughts, I noticed a missing word as identified by the paranthesis below:
Para 8 missing a word- they don’t (let) any Christinas go to Wal-Mart.
That was the only mistake I noticed. Outside of that, thank you for the laugh. I don't know what I used to tell my little ones. I imagine that I was cross for all the white lies my mother had told me over the years that I didn't utilize these little white lies but man would they have made my life alot easier. Luckily I have a new toddler so I can give it a shot this time around. I'm pretty sure I've used a Santa call once or twice. Good work. I hope to have the opportunity to review some of your work in the future.
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