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Review of Trick or Tweet  Open in new Window.
Review by Cazz Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
WOW! This makes my facebook addiction seem a little scary! I absolutely love the idea, it is fantastic, and almost believable, although your time frame is perhaps, a little quick. Just a few thoughts

1. A little more detail about time passing would help the story feel more real e.g. you say they are going to run out of food on Day 60 but suddenl they are on day 65. How do they manage this? There are a few of these when time just seems to pass and details are not addressed that would help with the flow of the story.

2. Dialogue - you use this well, but your characters all share the same language. Everyone has their own language (compare your choice of words to sisters, brothers, friends, parents). How often do we say that it sounds like something X would say? Try and think about a word that one character might use, and the others wouldn;t.

3. your main character has lost his children. He seems quite relaxed about this. In my experience (limited, but i know two sets of parents this has happened to) no one responds to the death of a child in such a way. it is a gut tearing, life destroying, time and even if you know you will die soon your main charater would show more emotion to be believable.

4. Is this a religious story? It is almost, but not quite. I would say either cut God out, or include Him more. Get in one camp or the other and pin your colours to the mast!

PLease don;t think I am pulling this to pieces, I honestly believe it is ab amazing story, and with a few tweaks would be worthy of publication!
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Review of Your Today  Open in new Window.
Review by Cazz Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really enjoyed this poem, i felt it rhymed well, and followed a specific format that was contiued in each stanza until i got to the last two lines. Firstly I felt that sent present don't rhyme, and were discordant, following the rest of the poem, and secondly the whole 'today is a gift, that's why they call it the present' is a bit twee and overdone. Perhaps you could change the end as I felt that it did not fit with the rest of the poem. I lvoed the fact that i could imagine an entire backstory for the poet based on what they revealed in thoese few lines.

thanks

Caroline
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