Curiousity has me wondering....what is her name? It is such a wonderful thing. The picture you painted of a rescue and the thoughts that we can only guess goes through their head. I know that instant love, and from experience, that bond is unbreakable. Even when it breaks your heart. Well-written, and thank you for sharing.
Yet another wonderful story of a pitty baby. It is heartwarming to find these, as my baby was a pitty as well. She loved kids, and often was the caretaker for mine when they were younger. A cherished member of our family and the most loyal friend I have ever had.
Beautifully written to honor Wilson. Cherish all those moments, and I admit, he's absolutely gorgeous! I enjoyed the picture you painted and wish you all the love in the world and the best of times to continue with him.
I wonder, do they come when we need them, or just on a whim? The peace of the small things, that make us tear up and smile at the same time. May that ball forever find it's place at your feet, and the joy that it brought forever be in your heart. Thank you for sharing. This is a wonderful poem and well-written.
Thank you for sharing this, and I am glad that I found it. I am searching through the writings today, in order to help me get through my own heartache. It seems as if you had the perfect timing for writing this and for me to find it. I am grateful for you always seem to know the right words to reach out to others, even when you don't realize how much it will. I wish you the best, and if I could vote, this would get the win!
I was trying to figure out how a porcupine and skunk were going to combine in this. The writer does a great job of defining how the two met, and the problems that would occur. The best part of this, you have to get to the last to find! The ending is bound to give the reader a good chuckle and brighten any kind of day that started of dreary.
It is well written, and flows smoothly! Great job!
Oh what fun this was. I have to admit, I pictured my Bella all the way down. I even pictured my Appollo when he looks at his rear as if thinking to himself, "what was that?"!! I never expected this to be a story about a "ghost" dog! After all, who can figure this is a magical, invisible dog when one experiences this on a daily basis! Appollo wouldn't own it if he could speak, but Bella, yeah, I think she is proud of her stink bombs!
I really enjoyed the laughter this story gave me. It grabs the reader from the beginning, and the humor just keeps them reading.
I found no errors, and I am glad it was shared by another friendly writer!
How nearly impossible to read without feeling the jerk on the heartstrings. For those that have served, this would be the reason to ask for more time. For those that have served, this would be the deed if they could.
I wish that I could give a better review, but I'm still reeling from the story while picturing the horrors that many have seen. Including those closest to me. All I can say, is job well done!
Well done! For such a very short word count, your point came across clearly. The picture painted is one of intense sadness. The hope that the words stated were not meant. The description of the eyes give the harsh reality to the diologue. This would easilty be able to be expanded on.
Hello Kenzie, I am glad to have stumbled across your story. I would like to take the time to give you a review and give you my thoughts on your story.
I really enjoyed reading it. I enjoyed the story and the change in pace that it gave me. The title led me to think it may be something a bit darker, but while reading I was easily able to relate to the character. Although the beginning did not grab my attention quickly, it did make me want to find out the meaning behind the man’s story. I would love to have known a bit about Rick afterwards to feel as if I knew who it was about before the Sunday. It seemed to take a big jump and I wasn’t sure at first if it was the same character.
The suggestions I list below are a few items I found in the body of the story.
This line: “He wanted to jump out and pick a fight, but never did, with those he felt had violated him.” I paused mid-way. The “but never did” just seems very out of place. I would suggest putting it at the end of the sentence for easier reading.
As the world around got angrier, though, he did realize that an angry look or gesture from him might cause an even angrier person to pull out a gun and shoot him. ~ I would suggest finding some other ways of saying angry in this sentence. It is expressed 3 times in this one sentence. It causes the sentence to become bland and begins to remove the reader’s attention.
I became lost in this sentence, unsure how a person would be a Bible that would be read. “My teacher said that I might be the only Bible that my friends might read this week.” You could rephrase this to make the reader understand by stating: My teacher said that I might be the only way my friends would know about the Bible this week. As I read on, I saw this stated again at the end of the story. Maybe allowing Billy to explain this would also allow the reader to understand the statement better.
The last suggestion that I have is on the following line: After work, Rick's resolve was tested not long after leaving work. I would suggest rewording this to read: Rick’s resolve was tested soon after leaving work.
I enjoyed reading this item and hope that my suggestions do not offend. It was a great story, and also made me look at my own anger while driving. Thank you for sharing and keep writing!
The birth of a pegasus, not born of flight. What a delight! I absolutely loved the story in the poem and could picture the movements of the horse as he came alive with his newfound features.
Please note: the suggestions made here are merely my opinion. As the writer of this, any changes should be made at your discretion.
in the light of the sun I saw rainbow light start. ~ I believe that having the word light twice on this line is repetitive. I would suggest maybe writing it as: in the light of the sun I saw a rainbow start.
And the wings had a rhythm along with such grace ~ This line seemed to have a hiccup to me. I read it, then re-read it, and read it one more time. The wording is great, but I think the help of a comma after rhythm would give it just the right amount of pause to flow better.
These are the only two suggestions I have for this. I really enjoyed reading!
What a dark story, but it was interesting. Of course, Mr. Wiggles gave it a good start, and held his own for a while. Too bad the sweet little boy is caught up in so much.
This provided a range of emotions, and it is crazy, because I still am not sure where I stand with this. I have re-read it attempting to give a more detailed review. But honestly, I found nothing to recommend improving. The plot twist at the end still leaves me reeling.
Oh, the vengeance is..not mine. For which, I may be quite grateful for. I loved this little poem. It flowed smoothly, and I only wish I could have found the invalid items to find the beginning of this. I found humor in the lines, along with what appears to be a bit of sarcasm and hidden guilty glee. It flowed smoothly, and the ending nearly made me laugh. Well done!
This story starts out with an interesting idea. The idea of living the life of someone else has fascinated readers for a while. I would like to make a few suggestions to this story. Please keep in mind, these are my opinions and should be used at your discretion.
Your second character in this story is referred to as "They". I would recommend you choosing a name at least. Listing the person as "they" gives it a feel that there is more than one person. You could also use he/she. I understand that "they" is more gender neutral, another option may clarify it is a single person. A thought would be to introduce the word "Ze". I had to look online to find some pronoun options. Maybe another thought would be to open a discussion in your port on gender neutral words and involve the community to allow them to know in advance. That is, if this is the goal you were reaching towards.
Next: I would lengthen your story some. Give it some background on each character to better understand the differences in their lives. You could also give some details of what they were able to do while living the life of the other.
I am not sure what the guidelines for this story prompt, so I can only give the suggestions I have. I do hope it helps and I look forward to seeing more of your items as you continue to build your port.
Excellent! It brings back memories of the kids when they "can't find" what is in front of their face the whole time. I loved the rhyme pattern and the rhythm in this piece. It is a crisp jingle that keeps you going for more, and leaves you looking to find more rhymes! I found no errors and it is well-written! Thanks for sharing!
A new spin on very old folklore! I love the way you painted the leprechaun as the one to find the gold instead of the opposite way. I also have learned something new with this poem. I had always thought of a leprechaun as a fairy creature. Therefore, I had to research this information, and found that they COULD indeed possibly be elves! How fascinating!
I found no errors in this poem, and it flowed smoothly from the pages. I found the rhythym quite enchanting, as if the leprechaun itself had cast a spell on me.
From a purely selfish standpoint, I completely enjoyed this poem! It attracts the magical lover's attention from the title. As memories of a little girl surface, I recommend that this be used in your children's poetry. All little girls fantasize about unicorns!
I really enjoyed reading this, although I would suggest that if you write this for a children's poem, simplify it just a bit. For the adult version it is well-written and I found no actual errors. However, I would like to make a suggestion.
Stanza 5, line one reads: The young one lifted weakly wings. I believe if you moved "weakly" before lifted, it may read a bit smoother.
This is merely my suggestion and opinion and should be used at your discretion.
I completely enjoyed this poem, and the vivid story it painted. I look forward to finding another that could go along with this as the little unicorn grows!
A shady move, from a shady person. But, this poem was a treat to read. It gave hints to the way a person is to be wooed or courted, but the reality is written in truth. More often than not, people seem to think that they are able to buy their way into sensual favors. The ending, I give a big cheer for.
This was well-written. I found no errors. Good job!
I drift off into my own thoughts after reading this. It seems, mine is more of October, rather than September. When frost first touches the earth, so does it touch other things. But, just as your poem describes, the warmth and love.....remains.
I found the words written here, beautiful in their description. The love a touch of warmth. I found no errors. Thank you for sharing.
Well, that is the way to spend a day with friend....with benefits. Of course, the benefit is watching a little playful tease become an interesting and coveted moment in time. I enjoyed this story, and would like to make a few suggestions. Please note, these are merely my opinions and should be used at your discretion.
I noticed a few things that pulled my attention away. The punctuation in the story is nearly overwhelming. It stops midway and breaks sentences down which make the flow a little difficult. Here are a few I found:
The cast iron fire pot, Rusty had in the center of the deck, glowed with a warm aura. (You could remove the first comma.)
Once the ribs and sausages were done, and the girls had the other foods out. We settled in our selected seats, in a semi-circle facing the TV. (The begining is a fragment sentence. It could be blended by removing the comma, while adding and between the two.)
Which had not done much for her figure, Okay maybe a little, her bras were now 36 D, but after the last baby, she still had ten, alright it's fifteen pounds to lose. (For me, there is too much punctuation going on in this sentence. I caught myself going back and re-reading several times.)
On the other end, of the settee next to me sat Ronda. (No comma is needed here.)
With this being said, the story is intense! I enjoyed the plot very much.
I am not sure of the form of this poem, but I really enjoyed it. I loved the way you put it together, and how fiercly time attacked from the beginning. Carefully picking away at the day, torturing it. But inside all of this, I find the beauty that is the day, from the sunshine to the simple rain, and ending with a show of colors.
I found no grammatical or spelling errors in this.
Each person has their own way of dealing with things that overwhelm us with a range of emotions. Those hands on, build, tear down, and rebuild. Others begin doing for others, feeling the need to accept and help out everyone they can. Then, there are those of us that immerse ourselves into our own world. To paint pictures through letters and words that provide our own source of healing. We pen emotions, describe what others are scared to, and detail it in black and white. There is no hiding from those that write. We paint our pictures, whether they are good or bad, and inform, help, hope, and believe!
I really enjoyed this. It gives details to the many ways, but touches the writer in us in ways others cannot understand.
I found no errors, and can only imagine the many things that have been written since.
I absolutely love, Love, LOVE this! I would love to have your permission to share this story with a very grumpy, yet young man. I always say he is going to be a grumpy old man, but this just endears me to that even more. Most people do not look at the other side of "grumpy, old" men, and yet, here you have done a wonderful job of describing it in detail.
I found no errors and really did enjoy reading this!
I admit, I normally would not read a poem about a sports team. However, your description really grabbed my attention. I like that although you detail your poem as "sports", it really applies to all kinds of teamwork. And as such, each team member is accountable in their own way. I think my favorite part of this poem is the third stanza. It applies the teamwork and working together for each person to gain.
Are you sure this wasn't a story to bring to life an inanimate object? Oh my, I felt the creepy crawly slide up my spine, and I had no idea this wasn't written about someone or something ALIVE! I felt the great depth of sorrow to read about a life being snuffed out, but then "Violet" entered, and I nearly sighed with relief, and confusion. Wait, what just happened here? Oh, wow, did I really get that upset?
A great story! The beginning hooks the reader, and the detail and emotion keep them reading. Even the ending, as final as it could be, pulls the reader into the letters, not just the words. Great job!
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