If I somehow offend you, I'm very sorry. Most of the time I'm the one getting advice reviews, so I'm not very good at giving advice to someone else.
My reviews tend to be composed of praise/thoughts on the item and not what you could do to fix it.
If I tried to give you pointers, it would probably look something like this:
"Well... um. Uh, it's... I like the way it looks..."
So please don't be unhappy with me if I don't really provide much advice. (Please?)
Here goes:
This was very nice. It echos the feeling parents have when their kids are bullied at school. It makes me think of my own rough childhood, but it also leaves me with a sense of peace knowing that a parent could go through the same amount of pain watching their child tear themselves down just because kids are cruel.
I did find it a bit frustrating to read with the spacing you're using. I kept skipping lines and coming back to reread things. Aside from that, it was very lovely and I enjoyed it very much.
Thank you for sharing this!
Wonderful! I'm excited for the next chapter! There were a few places that could use a comma (although I'm known to use too many...)But aside from that, it was awesome. I'll definatly keep reading your story! Welcome to Writing.com, and have fun posting your stories! If you need anything or have questions (I can answer a few of them...) you know how to contact me. Keep writing and keep posting, and I'll keep reading!
It didn't flow as well as I'm used to, but that's alright. I'm sorry the military has been such a pain for you, but hopefully you can leave and do something you really enjoy soon. Keep in mind that it isn't forever, and that your wife and sons love you no matter what happens.
This review is meant to give you: tips, praise, and let you know someone IS reading your work. I give tips to help you, not to make you feel bad. Thank you for posting, and keep writing!!
I'm mildly confused, but I think I understand it. You're very philosophical here, and it's refreshing. Obviouly, there are a few grammatical errors, such as capitalizing "I". Some of the lines that pose a question are hard to process without a question mark (although you don't really NEED to worry about punctuation in a poem. I did enjoy your reflections on the situation, though. If you're ever interested in having it (or anything) rewritten with punctuation, you can ask me. (not to change anything, just to add punctuation)
Smooth and creepy. I'm not as disturbed by the trees as I feel sorry for them. Your rhyme scheme was wonderful, and it flowed together well enough that I could read it aloud with little complication.
I laughed! My husband did as well. I love being surprised with humor in a poem. I have to admit, it would have been impossible for me to keep a straight face. It flows wonderfully, and keeps me interested until the joke. I'm going to have to keep reading the poems in this folder, they're wonderful.
I really enjoyed reading this. It's interesting how the human mind can warp things when the body is in true peril. I've always loved fairy tales, and the description of your Snow White was beautiful and fierce at the same time. Nature can be wonderfully terrifying. Now for the humor: If I had to get frostbite, I'd want it to be wrapped in such a pretty package.
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