What a pretty picture you have painted with your words. I am instantly relaxed when I think of swaying in a hammock on a beautiful day such as this. Although, I hope that this is an example of time running together and all of this weather isn't happening in the same day :).
I love this poem. I'm adding this to my favorites. There have been so many times in my life I've felt like this. You did a great job of putting it down into words. I wouldn't change a thing so the only constructive thing I can tell you is to keep on writing :)!
Very well written. I like the structure. The fact that the lines are very short and kind of choppy gives you a nervous feeling when you are reading it. Just like fear creeping up on you.
"And brittle smile."
I'm not sure the word brittle really fits right here perhaps there's a better word you could use.
I love your bluntness. It makes the whole thing very interesting. I guess it's kind of a breath of fresh air to listen to someone talk about someone who's passed in this way instead of listening to them resent life because that person's not around anymore. You sound like you've accepted that life goes on. Good for you.
I love the message of this story. I wish everyone thought like you honestly. I think I'm a little confused about the end though. Is the man a ghost? I think when you're trying to change people's thoughts about such a stubborn subject you really have to make the story clear and easy to follow. You pretty much did that but you could fine tune it a little more.
Your poem is beautifully written. Your vocabulary makes it similar to a porcelain doll... beautiful but not real. It is hard to feel your emotions through your words when I have to stop reading to look up a word. Although you may feel I just need to expand my vocabulary. Good work, all the same.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cityhickup
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 8:00pm on Nov 25, 2024 via server WEBX1.