This is another really beautiful poem. You definitely have talent with putting words together in poetry. The only real problem that I had with this poem is the line that says your heart can't take another hole... this line seems forced, as if you could not come up with anything to go there. I absolutely love the beginning and the end of this poem, it is really beautiful.
Please remember these are my opinions and you should never change anything that you are not happy with!
This is a beautiful poem! In your introduction to your title it says "it seems that your loved one forgotten ....." This should say has forgotten or simply forgot.. I absolutely love the wording to this poem; however, your meter is off and causes the poem to have an irregular flow. You may have done this intentionally; I am not sure. As for grammar and wordage I would give you 5 stars.For meter and punctuation I would give you 4 stars which averages 4.5 - I am not too sure about all of the punctuation in the poem, you would need to check with someone else on that.
My overall opinion is that this is a really great piece. Please remember that this is simply my opinion and do not make any changes that you are not happy with or that you don't think will improve your poem.
This is absolutely adorable. I read it to my two year old God daughter and she giggled all the way through. It has been a long time that I have read a silly and fun poem like this. I am going to have to raid your port to see if there are other things there that will give me the giggles.
This is a very creative way to express love gone bad. It is so difficult to understand one's inner self. It will take a greater power than we all possess to the knowledge of our afflictions. This is a great write and I look forward to reading more of your port.
This is very touching. It is so easy to lose track of what we are doing and lose the romance, but sometimes it only takes a few simple words such as these to rekindle that flame. This is very expressive and powerful. Keep up the good work, I look forward to reading more in the future
I like this a lot and although I have often had these thoughts, have never put it all together in such a way. I think you did a great job with this, and the only point I can make is that it is a whole lot of information to take in in very few words. Good job, WRITE ON !
This is a really great story about facing the reality of how you feel. A little encouragement goes a long way even if you do not always get the result that you are looking forward to. It also says alot about frienedship and not turning your back on someone because they are different than you.
I thought your story was well written. The only thing that I do not agree with is the one sentence paragraphs but I could be wrong. How did you come up with the name Delcine... that is so unique. I like it.
This is absolutely beautiful. If this is what you get when you "mind dance" then you should do it more often. I love the flow, the rhyme, the sentiment.... everything. I honestly think that you did a lovely job with this and I have no suggestion or ideas for you to ponder.
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