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Review of The Fun House  Open in new Window.
Review by Ashling Erris Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I love the plot. I think your strongest feature in this story is characterization. I understood the dynamics of the group very well from the beginning. Johnny was the nervous one, always scared and hesitant, Becky was the youngest, but strong and confident, I feel like she felt like she had something to prove to the boys. And of course, Kevin, was the leader, consistently pushing the others further they they really want to go. The dialogue was also very good. It was realistic and believable.

I think if you wanted to improve, one thing you could do is focus in more detail about the scary things that pop out at Kevin, and all the scary things that happen in the Fun House. I think if you added more detail, especially sensory info (smells, sounds, rusty metallic taste in the air, etc.) it would really up the fear level.

I think you added a few details toward the end that were nice, but would be better if they were set-up earlier on. For example, you said they joked about Kevin and Becky getting married one day. This would be a more emotional revelation if they had actually spoken that joke in the beginning. You also had the "if you don't tell, you'll go to Hell" at the very end when we didn't get that during the fun house scene. It seems like it was a dramatic ending to reveal that, so maybe if you mentioned that he thought he heard something else before leaving, and then he remembered in his nightmares, it would feel even more dramatic.

Overall, great read, I enjoyed it!
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