I love a good mystery and what better way to start one than an old photograph. It was fun watching all the characters come together for a common cause and a happy ending. It's a good, concise well written story. I'm wondering if there was a maximum word count you were working within because some of it seems rushed. Some events are summarized such as the visit to R.L. Knight in the old folk's home. Even though he didn't provide pivotal information I'd still love to see that written out in more detail. Good use of dialogue. There's never confusion as to who is saying what. In fact, there are a couple of times where dialogue attribution is not needed. For instance, "How old are they?" Emily asked Susan. As reader I knew by context Emily was asking Susan, but I can see how you may want to make sure there's no doubt who's speaking. However, the next line, "They'll be eight in August," Susan answered. The Susan answered part could be omitted.
Well done! I enjoyed reading this.
This opening sequence really captured my attention. It moves at a brisk pace yet thoroughly covers everything we need to know to dive into the next part. Dialogue is convincing and dialogue attribution is subtle and used only when necessary. So, Delia will be embedded in a facility for the criminally insane. What could possibly go wrong?
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