I feeling the sentiment. I can relate, as we adults all can, the eagerness to grow up as a child. Fooled by the longing to be free to make our own choices and live our own life. When we wake up one day after we are grown and realize it was an illusion of freedom, but the freedom we now seek is what we used to have as a child. No responsibilities, cares, worries.
The poems point was clear. It was worded well.
I, however, had a hard time reading it in the structure it is in.
It's possible just a personal preference as to lay out, but maybe toy with it a little to see if it reads easier by changing the structure.
No spelling mistakes I can see.
It stuck to topic. It is well thought through.
It's good. Just the above issue is all I can find for possible improvement. ;)
We are so close to heaven that we don't even realize it.
The veil was torn we are given direct access to God.
The world has forgotten all that He has done, and what it was for.
This poem, and many like it should serve to remind us that we are His children and He waits for us in Heaven.
Most of the world has forgotten. I am glad to know there are still a few who worship Jesus.
It is amazing the different response to the same prompt.
I loved this!
I imagine your daughter is proud of the words you write to promote her strength!
It is written well and flows nicely !
I can totally sympathize with the depression and the new welcoming of Jesus Christ as Lord after living in the depths of a life that felt void.
Yes,it's great to wake up in the mornings alive, but it is even more wonderful to awaken from a state of being that held you captive and squeezed life from your bones.
Jesus is wonderful! and I know what you have written will speak to others who have went through this - or even possibly going through this today.
This made me laugh!
It's pretty short. I scrolled past it when I looked to review it for I write in March.
I would be the first to say I'd be tick is hubby packed me up and toted me away.
4.5 stars cause it is so short.
I love it when goods plans come together! It must be obvious to allot of people that you like to review and that takes a special kind of person to give reviews that are honest as they are helpful. Review others work is a sensitive thing but it is something every writer seeks, even if they find out it needs work. The idea to work a becoming better is in all of us. People like you who do this for us make us all better writers! Thank you! Thanks to all those like you who love to do this same thing!
This is a sweet and inspirational story. What a great adventure that those kids had! All too often kids with allot of creativity get labeled ADHD because they are bored. They are not challenged and can not find the outlet they need to release their restless energy. Sometimes drawing is also another way for those with this attention disorder to find positive release.
I loved that Sophie got attention out of this adventure too. I love animals. I am glad she was given a job to have human interaction too.
I never thought of the stories that run through my head when I listen to music. I never thought of writing them out.
This is a great idea the way you did this. It connects the words of the music to a story out side of my own imagination.
Smart idea :) Might try this sometime myself !
I wasn't sure I'd like this when I read it had a personal name in it. - just not my style.
However. I Liked this very much! It had an unexpected ending that made me forget about the misgivings at first .
Beautiful.
I have an issue with "homeless" people swindling for their next drink. I would rather take them to get food than give them money.
My own treatment, and eye rolling is not the way Christ would have us be, and I don't excuse myself. I only wish there was someway to help with out encouraging them a way to get their next fix. To help knowing they are honest in their needs.
Yes, your poem struck a deep nerve. Wonderful! Thank you for sharing!
I enjoy the way all of these have a theme in common. It's easier for me to see that there is more that the author thinks about then just a 5 line poem.
No offense to the writing style I just find 5 lines hard to do emotion any justice.
However, placing several different poems in one page, and with the same kind of theme, helps me to read more between the lines.
Well You have just put into words what I have been going through with an old friend myself. If this were a published song I'd want to dedicate it too her.
It is beyond confusing when you have a relationship with someone and out of the blue things change and you can't even get them to talk to you to get things worked out.
You did a wonderful job! Thank you for sharing! Keep up the great work!
I think allot of us have the same feelings but have the most interesting ways of describing them!
This holds your attention from the beginning.
It is really good work!
I stumbled when I hit this sentence though.
Once I stopped and read it without the comma, I could see what it was saying.
I suggest a Comma after 'everyone' , Erase the one after 'time' , and add a Comma after 'another'
>> For everyone ^, at one time{,} or another ^, is one.
This has a great message.
There are a few things I would do differently so it would have a stronger impact.
Please don't be offended.
I have erased certain things and injected [my words] and thoughts.
You are welcome to use my suggestions or take them with a grain of salt.
Either way you chose, Keep writing!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>>
I mess up consistently
[I can't] do anything right
I only think of myself
[wanting to] please my own foolish, selfish pride
I hold you in my right hand and in my left i hold the world
>>
I'm not worthy [of your love]
and I continue to let you down
[Yet] you still rescue me
*continually [turning] my life back around
{erase "continually" or replace with different word, because of "continue" in the next line}
[As] I continue hold you in my right hand and in my left I hold the world
>>
I don't deserve you
[or anything that] you [have] done for me
I'm sorry [Lord]
I try to change to be who you [would] want me to be
but I still hold you in my right hand and in my left I hold the world
>>
I know you'll carry me when I'm weak
and pick me up when I fall
even though it won't be long until I disrespect you again
I can't help but wonder how long * before I [truly] realize that you are my all
Jesus, please don't let me hold you in my right hand and in my left still hold the world
Women today have become more more focused on the way a person should look. How They Should Look.
In every magazine, commerical, and billboard there are perfect smiles, hair, and unflawed bodies.
In impractical achievement for even the models to reach!
It doesn't take name brands and high end shoes to make a woman.
A woman is beauty. There is nothing more beautiful then a woman with confidence in who she is.
Without hiding behind a skin and bones body, while inside she is screaming for love!
Truely original! Grateful that some people have the courage to speak about the stupid things that others view as beauty!
I can visualize being at the beach of the evening and sitting in the sand watching the waves crash in.
Truly a peaceful scene!
<< near and high and up out over off into....
maybe a few less Little descriptive words.
>> after high you might using something like
[as they drift off into the empty space]
At first I was thinking that you might have been talking about the statue of liberty. I know silly me.
When I got at the end and realized what you were refering too it made alot more sense to me!
I am just slow at get the idea of another persons writing!
But once I had the right Idea and reread it, it makes perfect sense!
This is really good!
I like the whole "pine-plank door" that is real nice way to blur the idea of a casket.
It is inspiring to find the truth you seek in your life.
Even when you don't know that is what you are looking for.
I know it is like a magic pieces to a puzzle you didn't know you were missing pieces from.
If It just were so simple so everyone to find that open door and to live in peace of true unconditional love.
Thank you for sharing! I enjoyed it!
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