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Review by Cyril Sweet Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A great read and a perfect short story. It maintained my interest throughout and left me with questions. Which is real and which fantasy? This story will live with me for quite a while. You set the genre as dark and in that you succeeded masterfully. In parts it is quite chilling as you realise the descent into insanity.

I have no criticisms and look forward to reading more from you.

Mark

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Review of Into the Sun  Open in new Window.
Review by Cyril Sweet Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Sealy4

I came across your story after clicking on "Random read" and I'm glad I did. I found the story to be a really good read. It moves along at a good pace and painted vivid images in my mind which I always use as a measure of writing craftsmanship and your style certainly has that. Your use of sensory image was excellent. It also has a sadness and piquancy to the story which I also like.

I liked the mention of the mechanics of the umbrella and how you brought the house to life as if it was the house that was keeping you in. The minor characters of the parents were powerful also.

The only problem I have is with the first paragraph.

"It is raining, harder than I expected, a light drizzle now a constant flood that drowns out all sound."
Is it raining hard, drizzling or torrential?

I also found this sentence confusing...
"I cannot remember if I meant to take the bus, but that no longer matters, its last stop at least an hour before"

It could be just the way I read the paragraph or you may want to rework it. In any case I have no other criticism. A really good read. Keep writing!
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