\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dalericky
Review Requests: ON
22 Public Reviews Given
41 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I start with the reader experience - did the story pull me in and keep me engaged? From there, I'll dig into what worked and what didn't, focusing on the elements that impacted my experience: character motivation, pacing, whether the emotional beats landed. I use 5 key questions to structure my feedback when needed, but my goal is always to help writers see their story through a reader's eyes. I don't edit for grammar or spelling, but I'll flag it if it pulls me out of the story.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Dale Ricky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really enjoyed your poem. The repetition of "you want" through those opening stanzas built a rhythm that pulled me in. It's like watching someone reach for something over and over, then watching them bail when it gets hard.

Those four lines about pain being inevitable, loss being a trade, failure being a teacher, and wounds making you stronger, that's the meat of the poem. You're not just saying "don't give up," you're explaining why staying matters.

The ending is real. "Grab your piece of this life, even if it's wrapped in flame" is vivid and honest. Most people want the glory but run when things get hard, which means they never stick around long enough to seize anything worth having.

The line "every fighter will agree" feels a bit like you're telling me what the poem's already shown me. The concrete images do more work than the explanation. I could see where this is two separate yet related pieces. The first half shows the problem. The second half tells me the solution. They don't quite speak the same language rhythmically or tonally.

But overall? This is solid. The structure serves the message, and the message earns its weight. Good stuff.
2
2
Review by Dale Ricky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
First Impression - This reads like an old legend told around a fire.

What Works Well

The Mythic Voice - The tone is suited for a creation myth or parable.
The Symbolism - The Crone is weaving the tapestry of time while her loyal dog secretly unravels it. A metaphor for the eternal balance between creation and decay. It suggests that endings and beginnings are not failures of the Creator but part of the same breath.

What Could Be Strengthened
Sentence Flow - Some sentences could benefit from clearer punctuation and shorter phrasing to help the rhythm flow more smoothly. For instance, “Now the dog who could always be found sleeping next to her as she sat and weaved he never left his spot but…” could be split into two or three shorter lines.

Final Thoughts
It’s mythic, haunting, and full of quiet beauty. With a little polish to pacing and punctuation, it could easily stand beside folk tales.
3
3
Review by Dale Ricky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
I liked the story. By the end, I was wondering what would happen next. The love interest will work well, though I felt Manda Sue may have shown her interest too early or maybe too deeply for that early in the story. There looked to be a love triangle of sorts, considering Arlo's interest in Jase's well-being and health. The characters are displaying personality and heart.

Staying in 3rd person limited is well done. I got the feeling I remained in Jase's POV.

The pot is clear and tight.

I found Manda Sue's dialect bordering on excessive. Phrases like "cotton-pickin' li'l heart" and "all hat and no cattle" risk feeling cartoonish and may frustrate readers. Though for the character to work, there needs to be a level of that kind of phrasing for sure.

I kind of feel like there will be three genres at work: a space opera, a western, and maybe a gangster genre. All in all, a lot of fun to explore.
4
4
Review by Dale Ricky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Your poem is a gothic war ballad, echoing Poe’s cadence while telling a vivid story of guilt and haunting. The refrain “nothing more / forevermore / evermore” provides rhythm and inevitability, while imagery of boots, whispers, and barracks blends the supernatural with wartime trauma. Themes of guilt, justice, and memory emerge as the ghost of David—killed by friendly fire—confronts the narrator. Strengths include atmosphere, narrative clarity, and escalating tension. Refinement could focus on smoothing meter, trimming descriptors, and sharpening refrains. Overall, it’s haunting, cinematic, and memorable, capturing the lingering weight of conscience and the inescapable presence of the past.
5
5
Review of Fear and Flight  Open in new Window.
Review by Dale Ricky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Strengths
Honest emotion: The poem reveals genuine vulnerability and inner struggle, particularly in lines like “Pulled apart / As I'm torn in half / Between stay and go.”
Clear imagery: Phrases like “sweat like a jungle rain” and “guilt like a fog descends” make emotions easy to picture.

This heartfelt poem powerfully captures yearning and self-doubt. With some tightening and a clear approach to imagery, it could flow even better while keeping its impact.
6
6
Review by Dale Ricky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Thabo's world is changing and change is scary. I empathize with Thabo. Keep writing.
7
7
Review by Dale Ricky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good scenes, well described. I am left asking about minute 3. Overall, a nice read.
8
8
Review by Dale Ricky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Speaking as a casual reader, I had to stop and make some popcorn. The read is slow yet interesting enough to keep going. I have mixed thoughts about the dialog. The characters speak in plain, clear English. Speeking clearly makes reading pleasant but takes away from the atmosphere. Which would be best? As much as I liked the clear speech, a peppering of Viking words might deepen the illusion. *Confused* I am 50/50 on this, so take it as a thought. You need a second opinion.

What happens next? The end of chapter one had me wondering: What happens next for Grimolf, Bjorn, and Ulf? If there were more pages, I would have turned them.

Your efforts are well spent. The adventure is afoot, so to speak. I wish you the best of luck and encourage you to keep on writing.
9
9
for entry "The Right Button" Open in new Window.
Review by Dale Ricky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Excellent
10
10
Review of Scarlet  Open in new Window.
Review by Dale Ricky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Yes, that is a little dark. The descriptions paint a visible picture. I could see what was going on. As you stated, the subject matter isn't for everyone. Overall, it's a well-written story. Well enough, it leaves to the imagination what could happen next. One more sentence could be a thought describing the laundry soup being opened or poured into the water. The commercial implies it, but the action could carry it through. Keep writing.
11
11
Review by Dale Ricky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Well written, I enjoyed the read. A fun story that reads like you have more to share. You left me wondering what happens next. A good hook. Thank you for sharing.
12
12
Review by Dale Ricky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh, how do I connect to the progress bar? I spend hours watching the progress tick by. Those are the days of my youth.

It's a nice piece that reminds me of a slower time. Yes, instant gratification has weakened the bears (us all).

And then, there's the unexpected arrival of the stranger. Bringing the story of the world ending (the internet). The old pickpocket, in a moment of mischief, brings a temporary halt to the relentless hustle and bustle.

Could the interrupted supply chain of bits and bytes provide a needed break—the break we used to get by watching the progress bars?

I enjoyed reading this. It is well written. I think time is moving fast. Stop and wait for the progress bar when you can.
13
13
Review by Dale Ricky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A good chapter 1. I am interested in chapter 2. Well written. Good grammar. Keep writing this story. You are on to a good read.
14
14
Review by Dale Ricky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
A well written and well told story. Grammar and spelling is excellent. Keep writing.
15
15
Review by Dale Ricky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Keep writing you told a compelling characterization from history. I learned something and that is what you were going for, well done. There are a few dings on grammar.
16
16
Review by Dale Ricky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Reads smooth. However, it seems the last paragraphs are missing. Consider breaking Blaze's description up and spreading the details into the following paragraphs. Instead of two leading sentences.
16 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 1 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dalericky