Nice. This piece had　a great hook and a wonderful ending. It seems you did some research on the science behind the story. I really enjoyed it and look forward to reading more of your work.
I like the flow of this piece. Reading iambic is always a treat and one that does not happen often.
I dislike the contradictions in the final stanza, (how you divide the soul and the brain and reduce the brain in relationship to other parts of the writers body)and disagree with much of what this poem tells the reader. That is clearly a personal opinion, one that would be more expressed in a conversation thread instead of a critique.
The piece made me think and that is, in my opinion, all that writers want to do. So good
Great. I felt the elation of getting the honored ice cream man job, and I also felt the creepy feelings that you had when you realized that you are so close to being a pedophile.
Stylistically, this piece flowed smoothly and was a pleasure to read.
Free form poetry is always a difficult beast to write and to read. Others may find the inspiration that this poem provides and run with it, I got stuck on the stalagmite reference immediately as stalagmites are found in caves and it would be very hard to fall onto one from a cliff.
I do not say this to be negative, or perhaps it is as I am sure there is part of your soul here, but to say that making an allusion to an impossibility takes me out of the context of the poem.
I look forward to reading more of your work Norman.
Positive. Is there anything else to say about this peice? I would love to ramble on and try to capture the emotion that you have displayed but it would pale in comparasin. Instead I will say that the message you struggle with is simply put, be positive.
On a stylistic note, as if I am qualified for this critique, the peice does not flow tegether as neatly as it could. The delema of the darken alley never finds resolution. After reading this I am left wondering if the darkened alley is a force that can not be pushed or passed, or is it something that this very peice is working through.
Perhaps another pass with your eyes to tie up that string would make the peice complete.
Still,I love that positivity.
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