Okay, to start this off, it is a little repetitive in those first couple of lines. Plus, the repeats of some words just don't really go with the poem that well. It also has one or two grammatical errors. I don't want to be too nitpicky, lest I remove the meaning of the poem- but I will give you my edits below, and a slightly revised version of your poem after that. Regardless, the theme is interesting- and its creative. Just improve your writing skills, and I have no doubt you'll write some great poems! Keep on trying!
Most lines - some grammatical and punctuational errors were fixed.
Second line- removed "Love"
Third line - added "not"
4th line - Removed "I am not loved because of me", replaced with "For this loveless heart I have"
5th line - Moved "I see no one to blame but me" to after "For this loveless heart I have"
7th line - Removed "Dark", added "night-like"
8th line - shortened through removing certain words.
Love something that I want but don’t run for,
Something I want but don’t get.
I am not loved, not because of others, but because of me. For this loveless heart I have,
I see no one to blame but me
I could have tried but I didn’t risk the leap
I don’t want to make anyone feel weird around
Me
After all, I am about 6’0 tall with night-like skin
I am a man - not a child, nor anything less.
I really like the message I read from this- just another day in the hundreds we live. A day where nothing really happened- no excitement, but no fear or pain either. While the poem doesn't have a smooth flow like most, I won't let that take away from this piece, because flow isn't something every poem needs. Well done, and keep writing!
Just amazing! It flows together beautifully, and I really don't have anything bad to say about it. Out of the couple of poems you've made that I have read, this one is easily the best, and if I could give it above 5 stars, I would! Amazing done, and I look forward to your next piece!
I don't know Greek mythology, so the meaning here passes right over my head. Regardless, it's a well written poem. Though, I do question the question mark at the end of line 3- it doesn't seem to fit in with how it was going. But hey, maybe it is and I'm just an idiot. Keep on writing!
A simple, but dark poem, with a deep meaning. Not much for me to say about this one, if I'm being honest. The meaning is quite easy to understand, and just overall is well written. Keep on going!
Failed love is a difficult topic to write a poem about, but you have managed it. The only real issue I can see, besides the somewhat complicated wording and meaning- though not as complex as your poem, Savagery- would be the second and fourth lines. The lack of the word "rather" hides the meaning I assume those 2 lines are supposed to represent. I would write it this way "A man who would rather pillage and destroy over tending wounds." That's just me being picky. Otherwise, the rest of the poem flows great, and the meaning is deep and, well, meaningful. Well done, once again!
It's an interesting poem. History has never been my thing, I much prefer fantasy, but I still like the take on gods within this poem. Who says that gods or deities are as divine as depicted? Or maybe you have another meaning within this when you wrote it- regardless, I like it, especially the last 3 lines- they flow really nicely. I could see it being a little difficult to understand for some due to the intricate and complicated wording, though, but that's just how some poems go. Keep on writing!
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