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Review of Saved by a Child  Open in new Window.
Review by LoneWolf Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed your story. It made me smile to discover Alex was using his dad's clothes to give his mom a present.

The problems I saw were small but they were there nonetheless. The first thing I noticed was that Alex's age was never mentioned. If he's a toddler, it would be much cuter than if he were a high school senior.

The second thing I saw was in the last line. You wrote, Not a bad present, then Alex said, "Happy Valentine's Day Mom!" and Dad suddenly remembered something he better go back out and get, immediately. Reading this sentence, the first thing I notice is the structure. Usually, dialogue is set apart from other actions by the character. I would suggest you think about writing it like this:
Dad thought, Not a bad present.
"Happy Valentine's Day, Mom!" Alex said.
Dad remembered something he needed to do right away. He grabbed his keys, thinking he needed to thank Alex when he returned home.

Writing it this way makes it more concise and clear. You also need a comma before Mom. I believe the rule of grammar states that when the name is used to directly address someone (direct address). Then I made it two sentences to make it read and flow clearly.

Of course, these are my opinions, but it's your story. I enjoyed it. Thanks for the read, and please keep writing. Good job.
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Review by LoneWolf Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'd like to welcome you and hope you find all the buttons you need. I believe the more you get to know Writing.com the more you'll love it. This time around I've only been a member myself for a few days but years ago I was a longtime member. Life didn't cooperate with all I wanted to do at the time. That's why I left. To be honest, I don't think you'll find a more welcoming site for writers. I know I haven't.
If you have any questions feel free to ask me. If I don't know I'll try to point you in the right direction. I truly hope you enjoy your time here.
Your writing is clear and concise and I thoroughly enjoyed my time here.
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