I like it a lot! There are many words to use to deepen the feeling I think your trying to invoke. Look up more synonyms. I love the piece as it stands. "Beautiful" is a fine word but for a piece about love I would choose others words to stand out.
Wow I really love this piece of work! is there some deeper meaning behind this or was this just a work of prose. I really enjoyed the description and it made me feel inspired ! which is what I like when I read something I love to actually feel an Emtotion from a good read.
Adam, I was curious as to if you had more chapters written? It seemed the pacing in the beginning was a bit off. Your first paragraph painted a warm, calm, and very real picture and then I the second it changed narrative perspective and had a more whimsical, fantasy, higher energy tone. Perhaps you could introduce Williams place in his family dynamic to bridge the reader to the fantasy realm. Or use a flashback device. Other than that more description of the assassins ( I really wanted to know what these guys looked like! I was getting into it.) it will help to build tension and provide great imagery in the readers mind.
That was a very cute story with a lot of humor! its amazing you could build up suspense in 300 words. I was pretty eager to find out about that elf/leprechaun.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/downa423
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 12:30pm on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
