I like it a lot! There are many words to use to deepen the feeling I think your trying to invoke. Look up more synonyms. I love the piece as it stands. "Beautiful" is a fine word but for a piece about love I would choose others words to stand out.
Wow I really love this piece of work! is there some deeper meaning behind this or was this just a work of prose. I really enjoyed the description and it made me feel inspired ! which is what I like when I read something I love to actually feel an Emtotion from a good read.
Adam, I was curious as to if you had more chapters written? It seemed the pacing in the beginning was a bit off. Your first paragraph painted a warm, calm, and very real picture and then I the second it changed narrative perspective and had a more whimsical, fantasy, higher energy tone. Perhaps you could introduce Williams place in his family dynamic to bridge the reader to the fantasy realm. Or use a flashback device. Other than that more description of the assassins ( I really wanted to know what these guys looked like! I was getting into it.) it will help to build tension and provide great imagery in the readers mind.
That was a very cute story with a lot of humor! its amazing you could build up suspense in 300 words. I was pretty eager to find out about that elf/leprechaun.
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