I hope I'm posting in the right place. This was fun. I'm a lousy reviewer, so discount all I say. Also, I cheat. I used ProWritingAid, which I use for all my writing. You have the same difficulty I have with commas. Don't use enough, use too many. So, any advice I would give would be 'do as I say, not as I do.' PWA found 22 'grammar' mistakes. Most of the were commas. If you don't have a copy of PWA, I recommend it. It is not perfect. I had difficulty with "the A team". It wanted either or. Still, it catches a lot of the silly mistakes, but must not be taken literally.
I was going to quote some of the PWA 'critique'. Apparently, I used up my allotment for today and didn't save what it said. Basically, it liked what you wrote and how you wrote. I agree. It was a fun read. They wanted more descriptions and more character development, but what do they know? If you want to perfect this (not possible, there will always be something) go back and add a few comments. Otherwise, leave it alone and go on to something else.
Thank you for your insights and advice. My particular problem is reaching my target audience of Seniors. Have scratched FB off the list, after adding Bookbub. Still need to look at Google and Amazon. Again, thanks.
A fun read. Nice to find poetry with some thought to structure/rhyme. Nice story with a 'happy' ending. No concept as to what is good poetry, only if I enjoy it. This I enjoyed, thanks.
Thank you, I'm still smiling. I'm 'old school', meaning I haven't developed an appreciation for free verse. It is refreshing to find structure, and metre (probably have that wrong, but I think you know what I mean) in a poem. Cute story, too. I'm ideologically indisposed to give 5 star ratings, but this is worth 4.5, just for the few minutes of pleasure it brought. Feel free to provide more. After this review, I'll visit your 'site'. Again, thanks.
Thanks, you had me when you mentioned Frost. Sad story, well told. Surprised when you closed with Ken, thought your narrator was a woman. Glad to make your aquaintance.
Clever, my first exposure to 'storoem'. I like it -- both concept and execution. Not too much to add, since I'm not familiar with the mechanics, but I like the story and the way you told it. Not a fan of free verse (playing tennis without a net), so once I figured out what you were doing I was intrigued. You captured my interest. Thanks for a pleasant diversion.
Not sure I understand it, but I like it. Think it has to do with 'mature/lasting' love v. initial/intense 'first' love. "Sapling birthed seed no defeat" illudes me. Well crafted. Especially like the closing couplet. Thanks.
How to be respectful and encouraging and still be honest? Some of what you say is true, some is not. I count ten paragraphs.
1. We will die. We smoke less than our parents. We eat more than we should. We eat better than our parents. We don't exercise enough. We exercise more than our parents, but our jobs require less manual input. I could go on.
2.We should have universal healthcare. My generation took the first step. We pushed for the EPA. Remember 'acid rain', smog, Lake Erie, Love Canal?
3.It was a good time, full of promise. Then came drugs and Kent State, and Nixon.
4. Social Security is not bankrupt. Not sure what the "Hollywood Disease" is. Pretty sure we're still making cars.
5. Our parents built the malls and the "ticky tacky". We didn't like it either, but both make economic sense. Well, it did back then.
6. Not sure how to answer this. There was a vision, but it wasn't shared.
7. Think you've got the wrong generation here.
8. See #7, though it has a spokesman who shared our space, but not our values. Regrettably, we are not all Bernies.
9. And?
10. Not all of us. See #8.
Gave it one star, due to structure and content. Honesty trumps encouragement. I tried to stay respectful.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dreedwhittaker
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 6:37am on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
