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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/duitser
Review Requests: OFF
7 Public Reviews Given
29 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am always friendly and supportive. However, I am also honest and don't believe in beating around the bush. If you want help improving something you've written, I'd be happy to help. If you are looking for someone to give you 5 stars and a pat on the back (unless you really deserve it), I'm not your guy.
I'm good at...
Developing story lines and visual descriptions. I am very technically inclined, so I'll be able to help out with writing on technical subjects.
Favorite Genres
Horror, thriller, Sci-fi
Least Favorite Genres
Poetry, touchy-feely stuff
Favorite Item Types
Short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry. Erotica
I will not review...
In case you haven't noticed - I don't like poetry. Also, call me old fashioned, but I don't like erotica.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Dream  Open in new Window.
Review by OldDog Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hi!

Interesting read! I liked the imagery you used a lot! As you would expect from a nightmare everything is so visceral that one cannot help but sympathise with the poor antagonist. My only comment on your description of the nightmare would be that you often start your similes with "like" - "...like a drunken puppet...", or "...Like the way a mortician dolls up...” Perhaps its a personal preference, but I think the flow would improve if you just sort of rolled from one horrible image to the next without all the "likes". To me they are akin to a school bell signalling the start of a new period - an interruption to the flow.

I know a lot of people here are real sticklers for grammatical and spelling errors - I'm not. I usually don't even notice spelling errors, so if there are any, I didn't see them. Besides, what good is artistic license if you can't use it?

My overall impression of the story is that you tried to cram too much into too small a package. If you write a short story about a nightmare, stick to the nightmare. The other stuff detracts from the main story line rather than add to it (in my humble opinion). In fact, the other story line probably has enough legs of its own to be turned into a novella.

Good job, I'll definitely read some more of your stuff!
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