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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dyxe0ri
Review Requests: ON
7 Public Reviews Given
8 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I will organize it by first thoughts, then if the genre and rating is appropriate, what I liked, improvements, and my final opinion.
I'm good at...
Giving respectful, yet honest reviews.
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Real-World Problems, Suspense, Light Romance, Sci-Fi
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica, Western, Nonfiction
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, SHORT Stories
Least Favorite Item Types
1000+ word stories
I will not review...
Anything over 18+, anything with excessive nude details.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by dyxe0ri Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
|| Requested Review ||

Hello! I saw your request to review, and immediately read the poem.

GENRES: At first I didn't understand quite why the genre was stated as love/romance, yet I see why now. The age rating is accurate, proven by the language and descriptions, however not overused.

WHAT I LIKED: The way this was written is very interesting, my take on it is like how an old man sits at his desk, writing to a journal anywhere from 10-40 years ago, and the styling of it is quite nice. Your dictation is a fine choice, and there were few-none grammatical errors. The middle of the poem I found to be gorgeous, with how neatly it was written and the tone is gave off.

IMPROVEMENTS: Throughout the poem, there are words that can be quite repeated, or words that seem to ruin the flow of the poem. For example, down near the end, But beware as well. As you enjoy your spell of time with her, I advise, Focus and try as hard as you can to not, Fall under her unintentional spell of charm as well. The two wells in that throw off the flow the poem has had for awhile now. This also happens in the beginning, just inconsistencies with trying to keep a steady rhythm; an ocean hit by sudden storms, then calming seas randomly. I took notice to the fact that even though the middle was gorgeous, at times we lost sight of Emily. Emily is not a group of people, she isn't a minor detail. She was what was first mentioned, therefore should continue to be a main idea within the entire piece.

WHAT I THINK?: I think this poem is something that is able to be published out with a few tweaks, something that the world should be able to see. It's a very interesting storyline, with weird consistencies and ideas.. but they fuel it well, not in a bad way, but in a writers way.

You have an excellent idea, and I hope to see it executed out in new forms!
2
2
Review by dyxe0ri Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
|| Requested Review ||

Hi! First thing I'd like to say, your poem was moving, and gorgeous. Women today still struggle with stereotypes, ones that men and women alike are shamed to admit.


GENRES: Your genres fit this well! It's perfectly categorized. However, I don't see how it needs to be marked 13+. It's appropriate for all ages.

WHAT I LIKED: The topic you chose is one of importance, one that needs to be said more and not pushed away as if it's already been solved. Your words choices fit nicely, and do well in explaining a message! Your use of figurative language is nicely input. The touch of inputting between scientistic views and religious views is inclusive, and helps to reach out more to different audiences!!

IMPROVEMENTS: You seem to be having a rhythm starting, but it tends to break every so often. Examples: "of women who [ space ] just came".
It breaks the flow of the poem, and this tends to happen at the end of your stanzas, except for the second stanza where it happens between "blushes of heritage [ space ] of all foremothers".

WHAT I THINK?: I think you have a powerful voice, one that delivers with confidence. You clearly have a view that you need to get through to others, and it's definitely one worth while. I think that you should 100% continue to keep writing and review; I suggest looking at poems by popular poets a little before modern times, as it may suit you well. Being able to analyze poetry will do you worlds of wonders to write it. Continue to work on the flow of your poems, and adding a little punctuation in the middle as well could help to deliver a tone!!

Definitely a poem I'd read again.
3
3
Review of The Quiet Old Man  Open in new Window.
Review by dyxe0ri Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This reminded me of Dr Suess books and made me feel happy inside.
4
4
Review of 09/02/12  Open in new Window.
Review by dyxe0ri Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi! While i'm not a professional, I also write free-verse poetry and this caught my eye.


I have a cat, and all of this is accurate. The wording is beautiful, and mesmerizes the reader. It a poem with shape, and convey's emotion quite well.

My only critique would be to add more punctuation, adding a period right after an important part can do a world of wonders for the sincerity of a poem, or the overall tone.
5
5
Review by dyxe0ri Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
The wording is absolutely gorgeous, it really draws the reader in! The random capitalization though and the lack of punctuation makes it harder to read and harder to the convey the emotion, just a single comma can really effect the tone! The wording really is amazing though *Heart*
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