THe first place piece must have been really something, or you were robbed. This piece is simply amazing. With society and medie rapidly trying to make Muslim a dirty word, your description of Muslim beliefs makes them look even more silly and afraid of something different. Very well done. You have done yourself proud with this.
Rated: 4.5
Title: Moonlit Night
Author: Arismeir
Genre: Tragedy: Nature: Supernatural
Type: Short Story
Plot:. A man visits a cabin to reminisce about his wife
Structure: Very good
Point of View: 1st Person
Protagonist: narrator (no name given)
Antagonist: his memories
Editing Notes:
Spelling & Grammar: Very good
Concept: very good
Imagery: excellent
Description: very good
Flow: excellent
Dialogue: n/a
Character Development: good
Emotion: sadness, anger, frustration, sorrow
Overall Feeling: This is very well done. The emotions come through strongly. It gave me chills at the end. The visuals in the story were very strong.
Suggestions: There were a very few typos. Some people will probably say the main character needs a name but that is up to you.
Rated: 4.5
Title: The Sparrow’s Song
Author: Miss Ds Man of Words
Genre: Fantasy: Emotional: Romance/Love
Type: Short story
Plot:. A man watches falls In love with a woman but hides a secret
Structure: Very good
Point of View: 1st Person
Protagonist: Chakara
Antagonist: Chakara
Editing Notes:
Spelling & Grammar: Very good
Concept:. Well done
Imagery: Very good
Description: Very good
Flow: Very good
Dialogue: old sounding very good
Character Development: good
Emotion: Sadness, love,
Overall Feeling: I like the story and the secret. It left me wanting to see more of both characters.
Suggestions: I would like to see it fleshed out a bit and made longer.
I think both characters are a little off the deep end. lol. This was a good read and nicely done. Your description of the main character and little descriptions of the surroundings kept me in her head and kept the story flowing at a nice even pace. Great job.
Rated: 3.5
Title: 1225 Robert’s Cove Road
Author: Brandon Johnson
Genre: Horror/Scary; Ghost; Thriller/Suspense
Type: Short story
Plot:. A man returns home to learn his ex-wife has escaped from prison
Structure: Very good
Point of View: Third person
Protagonist: a male no name given
Antagonist: ex-wive
Editing Notes:
Spelling & Grammar: good; there are a a couple of typos..
Concept:. Good
Imagery: very good
Description: well done
Flow: good
Dialogue: very little dialogue
Character Development: minimal
Emotion: fear, anger
Overall Feeling:: I liked the story and it reads much better now that there are lines between the paragraphs. Before it kind of blurred together
Suggestions:
-Perhaps a description and name for the main character
-The names of news broadcasters when they are not nationally known. At first I thought you were introducing another character.
-In your intro you talk about the Hookman stories, yet there is no mention of the stories or that his house is near the gravesight.
Rated: 4.5
Title:: Crystal Ball
Author: Starr Rathburn
Genre: Fiction; Thriller/Suspense, Fantasy, Fanfiction
Type: Contest: Tales from the Darkside
Plot:. A man in a wheelchair buys a crystal ball
Structure: very good
Point of View: Third person
Protagonist: Stanley Cortland
Antagonist: Randall Flagg
Editing Notes:
Spelling & Grammar: Very good
Concept:: a man in a wheelchair contemplating suicide is sent through a crystal ball
Imagery: Very good
Description: of surroundings and feel of the world that has moved on very good
Flow: very good
Dialogue: minimal but well done
Character Development: very good
Emotion:
Overall Feeling: While the story is using a world created by someone else, you handle it as your own. It does not come across as a copycat piece.
Suggestions: except for maybe a lacking a description of Stanley nothing else really needs work. I would maybe work on Flagg’s character a little more. It has been awhile since I read the Stand or Gunslinger but he seemed a little too jovial.
To paraphrase Rene Zellwigger;
Shut up! You had me at Go then, there are worlds other than these.
Rated: 3.0
Title:: The Final Days of Jimmy Kroe
Author: Ash Romero
Genre:: Crime/Gangster
Type: Fiction
Plot:. Jimmy Kroe is after revenge for his girlfriend and murdered brother
Structure: Good
Point of View: Third person
Protagonist: Jimmy Kroe
Antagonist: ‘Big M’ Mike Rockney
Editing Notes:
Spelling & Grammar: good, there are a few misspellings an a left out here or there.
Concept:. Good, written in a sort of Noir style
Imagery: good
Description:.Nice descriptions of Jimmy and other characters
Flow: good
Dialogue: not bad just needs to be tightened up a little
Character Development: good
Emotion: anger
Overall Feeling:: Overall I liked the story so far it flows nice and I can see what is going on. Jimmy is an interresting character kind of like Darkman with the bandages.
Suggestions: Cut down on use of ‘the man’ it is used to much and detracts from the story. Rewrite certain sentences, try rearranging to get your point across without using the man or even he. Be careful of using cliche’s with these type of stories it is very easy to fall into that problem.
Edyhdrawde
Keep writing keep reading
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