This story seems very intriguing--I loved the imagery and uniqueness. You put the words together superbly and did a great job of using the correct language for the setting. I like where it's going; it seems very interesting. I have a few suggestions for you though. I think you need to change this some things such as: "Khol ringed eyes" to this: "Khol's ringed eyes." Also, you may want to use a different word the second time you say "ringed." But this is going great! Keep up the great work!
I loved this! I love fairy tales and fantasy (I have a Snow White book coming out next month haha) and I LOVED that you had the princess save the prince--I did that for my book as well. I love the imagery who show and the diction you use, and you really describe it well for the reader. My only suggestion is to end on a more umphy note (if that makes sense). End it with something that takes my breath away--the rest of it was so intense, so it deserves an explosion of emotion at the end. :) Great job! Keep writing!
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