Lyn's a Witchy Woman's (elusive4lyn) Reviews

Lyn's a Witchy Woman

Review Requests: ON

2,136 Public Reviews Given

2,139 Total Reviews Given

1

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#4818315

Review of Whispers at Waverly House

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends

Rated: E

| (4.0)

“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest"
Official Judge's Review

Title: Whispers at Waverly House

First Impression: Someone always wants more don't they. You did a great job at showing greed and bitterness between family members after Mrs. Price died.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation errors.

Favorite Parts: Milo staying in the house to catch Camille and Mr. Hauser were brought to justice.

Overall Impression: This was nicely written with the portrayal of family greed and their flimsy attempt to get more.
I do have a suggestion, whatever you write add the word count at the bottom so if you do decide to enter it the word count will be there in case you forget.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

2

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#4818314

Review of Mayday

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest"
Official Judge's Review

Title: Mayday

First Impression:
In the intro the author noted a crowded nightclub but once into the story the bar was a dive not a nightclub. I suggest tying up the loose ends.
Interesting detective duo just beginning out with a potentially dangerous case drew the reader into the story.

What needs your attention: I would have liked a bit of setting, like the door creaking when his wife broke their client in crying. Right now it feels like the two women just appeared.

Favorite Parts: I thought the introduction of someone Dan knew made the situation a bit safer briefly but once we were inside and saw Ronnie the tension increased.

Overall Impression: The story was engaging and held my interest. I only noted adding office setting details which would balance the details offered in the dive bar.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

3

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#4818312

Review of The Last Chapter

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest"
Official Judge's Review

Title: The Last Chapter

First Impression: The story grabbed my attention with the click and dames cheating on husbands, and I was pleasantly surprised when I kept reading it was part of an author's book series.

What needs your attention: Not a dang thing! Awesome job, Kiya.

Favorite Parts: Her hesitation about killing off Allen and then receiving the phone call about Adam being hurt. The emotional tie in was riveting.

Overall Impression: The story was different than the other entries nor did it follow the typical responses, which I enjoyed immensely. The pacing was good and the characters were so realistic.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

4

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#4818311

Review of Number 9

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest"
Official Judge's Review

Title: Number 9

First Impression: The story's pacing moved very quickly made me feel like I was right there in the moment.

What needs your attention: With that said, this reader would have a scene break so I could take in all the details.
One after-- the smell in the air that instantly seized him and here-- maybe I just didn't want to face the truth. Both were intently emotional sections that the author should want the reader to fully absorb instead of reading as the pacing moved me.

missing word in the opening sentence--This is worst one yet; this is the worst one yet reads better.

not sure what this is--enforcement 0.

Favorite Parts: Jim insisting to see the body and then hesitating because he knew by the cologne. That was powerfully written, the emotional distraught between the two men came across so realistic.

Overall Impression: The story was written with good setting details, and relatability (spiders) for most readers as we joined the crime scene. The emotions were compelling but for this reader I wanted time to absorb them slower.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

5

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#4818310

Review of Katherina

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: 18+

| (3.0)

“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest"
Official Judge's Review

Title: Katherina

First Impression: I found the story a bit confusing to follow. I needed to read it a second time to grasp who the victim was because the author referred to the girls as females.

What needs your attention: I think giving the characters some distinct details would help distinguish them.
why would they young woman Katherina helped refer to the predator as our predator? "I would have become a victim of our Predator.”

Why would a police officer let Katherina look at possible evidence without her parents being present. After going to the Police Station, Katherina starts looking at the Predator’s book. “Is this the only Predator book you have?” Katherina asks. “I thought we had more Predators than this.”
he thinks she’s some kind of an Amateur Detective.” Should be she

Favorite Parts: The girls being rescued by Sharoni but I did feel that regardless of the situation using Katherina as bait knowing her parents had reported her missing was the author trying to tie the pieces together.

Overall Impression: The story has potential just needs to feel more believable and written with more clarity about the different characters.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

6

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#4818309

Review of "Not an artist, but a killer"

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest"
Official Judge's Review

Title: Not an Artist, but a killer

First Impression: You definitely surprised me with the painting being done with blood. EWWW.

What needs your attention: I wasn't quite sure who the speaker is here. !. Then Yuri asked, “If you could erase one thing from the world, what would it be?” “Ramen,” she said, half-laughing. “Smells like wet socks.” Is it Yuri or someone else?

Unsure who the speaker is here either. 2.“That’s not paint,” he said, voice low and serious. “That’s blood.”
3. Who is they? Because you have Yuri sitting alone on her couch.
4. If Yuri is talking to Gordon, our alleged suspect than who is this? Somewhere in a hidden room, Swalina lay tied to a stretcher. The killer paced beside her, showing her paintings—canvases soaked in red.

5. Gordan was arrested and later sentenced to death. His paintings were seized as evidence. This wording should be reversed so it fits chronologically. Gordan was arrested and his paintings seized as evidence. Gordon was sentenced to death.

Favorite Parts: I enjoyed the misdirection here. Ross glared at her, unblinking. “If that someone’s you… I wouldn’t hesitate. I’d suck the life out of you.” Silence.

Overall Impression: Interesting case for the detective to solve. The story needs some tweaking because there are missing details to help the story flow.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

7

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#4818306

Review of The Dragon's Cave

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)

“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest"
Official Judge's Review

Title: The Dragon's Cave

First Impression: Not what I expected for a detective story.

What needs your attention: You have the gold heist and the Sai as the criminal but who is the detective?

Favorite Parts: Jenny defending their clothing when it was called out by the security guards. I was proud of her response.

Overall Impression: Interesting story but unsure how it fits the criteria for this contest.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

8

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#4817345

Review of Rainforest Resort

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Rainforest Resort, yes, it does provide an expectation of what lies ahead.

Can it be read out loud? Yes, indeed.

Do the lines and stanzas or the paragraphs build upon each other? The paragraph flowed smoothly.

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax.
We began with a brochure and pictures that indicated to the woman this was a resort. Upon arrival, the woman discovered this wasn't the case but there were some things to explore. The conclusion was delivered the reader to a man wearing a Panama hat that the woman was trying not to notice.
How did your piece make me feel?

What was my favorite part? The children playing in the water and then the man oogling her from the shade of the pavilion and she decided to see what happens next.

What would I change? You open with the resort is nothing like the brochure described, that works. The next sentence is the glossy photos in the brochure. It's not necessary to say brochure again, we received that information in the previous sentence so it makes it redundant. In a short, short story you want to make each word valuable.
I travelled halfway across the world for this so maybe I should give it a chance and let loose and enjoy myself like everyone else seems to be doing. This is a wordy sentence that would serve the author better by breaking it up. I should give it a chance and let loose. Everyone else is enjoying themselves, let the vacation begin.

Was it well thought out and well written?
It was an enjoyable read, reminded me of a trip my boyfriend and I took to Jamaica because when we arrived we were told our luggage was missing and we had no hotel. Our travel agent never notified us that the hotel had been destroyed in a tropical storm. We ended up staying at a family owned small hotel instead of at Breezes. Our luggage showed up two days later. We had so much fun and the family was so helpful

Thank you for sharing. Welcome to WDC!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

9

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14 days may be credited.

#4780737

Review of My Human, the Witch

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? My Human, the Witch works for your story.

Can it be read out loud? Yes, it can.

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? The story does flow with a natural feeling with only a couple areas that need work.

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. Yes, it does but the middle needs attention.

How did your piece make me feel? Curious, how the cat would accomplish his mission.

What was my favorite part? The vent collapsing and the cat having to scramble for his next move.

What would I change? I've taken these 4 sentences to show you the redundancies in your short story. I suggest changing how you begin your sentences so they're not repetitive.
1. That was when a force hit him in the side.

2, That was when he got an idea.

3. That was when he saw it.

4. That was when her eyes went to his collar

"Went through the crack and ran through the halls, he wasn't even too sure where he was going, only trusting that he would see some sort of sign that he was going in the right direction." There's no clear subject, this sentence needs to be reorganized so it is clearer and less awkward.

Was it well thought out and well written? The story was interesting coming from the cat's point of view.

Thank you for sharing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

10

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14 days may be credited.

#4773642

Review of Quake and the Curse of A Million Dreams

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.

Hi: Joseph

Title: Quake and the Curse of A Million Dreams

What works: The story itself is unique and held my interest despite the redundancies and author intrusion with the telling not showing.

What needs attention in my opinion:
1. Why is The capitalized before dogs. It's not a title.
2. The third line in the first pagragraph tells the reader everything necessary without the redundancy of the first and second line.
I suggest changing the wording from: A Curse from the evil Cat-Witch was felt by The dogs In the land of Biscuitville.
“A million dreams are keeping me awake!” each dog said.
The dogs that lived in the land could barely sleep because The curse of a Million Dreams was keeping them awake.

To: The dogs that lived in Biscuitville could barely sleep because a curse of a Million Dreams was cast by the evil Cat Witch.
No redundancy and all the information is there.
3.If the Cat Witch is sleeping than what battle are you talking about here : Their battle was long and hard, but in the end, they emerged victorious. They found the grumpy Cat Witch fast asleep in her castle. The Witch was Caught off guard and had no choice but to lift the curse of a Million Dreams to keep them awake.

It would make more sense if you simply said their journey was long and hard.

Thank you for sharing your work.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

11

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14 days may be credited.

#4773369

Review of Mystery Science Theater 3000 anagramtime

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (3.0)

As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? I wasn't sure it did until I reached the final paragraph.

Can it be read out loud? I didn't try.

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? N/A

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. Yes, it did have an introduction, middle and a conclusion but lacked a climax.

How did your piece make me feel? Questioning what the author's intent really was in the free flow.

What was my favorite part? H20 something valuable for life, especially where I reside, water is essential.

What would I change? The spacing on the pamphlet sections is too much and becomes distracting more than informative.

Was it well thought out and well written?

Thank you for sharing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

12

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14 days may be credited.

#4773028

Review of New Year tale

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Yes, the title works perfectly with the poem and the required prompts.

Can it be read out loud? Yes, the cadence feels natural hearing it out loud.

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? Yes, the author wove a delightful tale about a skeleton climbing to the top to make its new year's resolution.

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. n/a

How did your piece make me feel? I was amused with the imagery because I just came inside from creating more skeleton displays for Halloween, my favorite holiday and the timing of your poem in the read and review was perfect.

What was my favorite part? The skeleton's kindness with the girl as he was climbing to the top.

What would I change? I would re-introduce white with snow near the end, maybe shaking the snow as he gave a bone away to help balance the imagery.

Was it well thought out and well written? Yes, I believe the author did a good job.

Thank you for sharing, Angelica. Hope all is well with you.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

13

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14 days may be credited.

#4772809

Review of Yellow

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Yes

Can it be read out loud? Yes, it most definitely can. It's an affirmation of changing color cases.

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? Yes, they tell a story.

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. n/a

How did your piece make me feel? I remember the excitement I felt when I changed colors.

What was my favorite part? I've won. The conclusion summed up it up nicely.

What would I change? I would lengthen the poem, I know you can do it.

Was it well thought out and well written? Yes, the author invited others to share in her enthusiasm of being a yellow case on Writing. com.

Thank you for sharing, Vivian.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

14

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14 days may be credited.

#4771538

Review of A Heavy Kind of Freedom

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest"
Official Judge's Review

Title: Heavy Kind of Freedom

First Impression: I've worked in a bar myself so I found the story very relatable.

What needs your attention:
"Jamie were an evil man, so why do I feel so heavy inside?" I believe was would work better than were.

"Jenny, weren't you or me dat done the deed, he had it comin'. We got the open road afore us and isn't that the freedom we always dreamed of?" I believe wasn't would work better. I realize the intent is to demonstrate un-educated individuals but both word choices jumped out at me.

Favorite Parts: I liked Jenny's indecisiveness about giving Jamie the contents of the bottle in his drink. She studied her boyfriend's situation as she listed to the British guy explain the situation clearer. Once she realized that she and her boyfriend wouldn't be considered criminal she agreed. But nor did either of them realize they would be carrying a burden of guilt after the fact even though Jamie was evil.

Overall Impression: Interesting take on Fast Car.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

15

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14 days may be credited.

#4771537

Review of Fast car

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest"
Official Judge's Review

Title: Fast car

First Impression: A beautiful love story that began with a boy and a girl who both lived in less than desirable situations and as adults married and had a child of their own.

What needs your attention: I'm curious as to why you chose not to capitalize Car in the title. I didn't note any punctuation or grammar issues.

Favorite Parts: Mickey and Mae as children in the cadillac when she let her hair down as they pretended no abusive father or overworked mother just the two of them heading to the beach. I used to pretend I was going places that my parents could never find me and my siblings wouldn't be there either.

Overall Impression: I thought you captured the essence of the song with the children's dialogue and again as they were adults. Nicely done. The story felt connected from beginning to end with consistent character traits. Mickey was still chasing their dream and Mae was looking at the bigger picture all the things she didn't want for their son, Joe just like Mom's do.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

16

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14 days may be credited.

#4771535

Review of Silent Witness

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.

"Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest"
Official Judge's Review

Title: Silent Witness

First Impression: What a interesting take on Tracy Chapman's song, I enjoyed it immensely.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation or grammar issues.

Favorite Parts: Tracy taking a stand for herself. No one should have to be victimized by an alcoholic. I know exactly how challenging it is, always being on eggshells is not quality of life.

Overall Impression: It just hit me as I was writing your review, you chose the song cover's artist name Luke and the original artist Tracy as the couple's names in the story. Awesome tie into the song.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

17

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14 days may be credited.

#4761735

Review of Fifty Years

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

"Emotions are the language of the soul."

Hi: T

Title: Fifty Years

Did the story/poem fulfill the prompt: Yes, it most definitely did.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any grammar or punctuation issues. The word count and line count requirements were met. Kudos.

What I enjoyed the most in your work. I really like the couplets, I felt they gave the feeling of movement in the poem. It was a hard choice between your poem and Dave's. The final choice came down to my feeling more of the 50 years in his poem.

Thank you for sharing! It's awesome to read your work.

Lyn

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

18

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14 days may be credited.

#4757135

Review of Doc's Scuttlebutt Cap

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.

Hi: Foxtale

Title: Doc's Scuttlebutt Cap

What works: I'm very familiar with boy scout adventures, this one was definitely unusual. And like the author I wonder if it was actually an approved BSA event. I can see the boys trying their dangest not to spill water in the scuttlebutt exercise. It's a good teambuilding exercise.

What needs attention in my opinion: I didn't note any punctuation or grammatical issues.

Thank you for sharing your work. The story was an engaging read about Boy Scouts that I was unaware of, especially the sea scouts division. It didn't happen in the Maine branch of Boy Scouts because I would definitely involved the young men I worked with to try.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

19

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14 days may be credited.

#4752761

Review of Anger Understood

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.

Hi: Kenzie

Title: Anger Understood

What works: Raising awareness of how flawed our system really is unfortunately a social norm. I'm not happy with it either. I have a brother who is homeless because of a previous conviction. He knows he can stay with me but chooses not to because of his pride.

What needs attention in my opinion: Another individual shows anger at the “system” because of some of his own failings. Yes, he was imprisoned for driving while drunk. He served his time, though. However, the world is an unforgiving place, indeed. This felt out of place because it's not clear to the reader are we talking about another family member or the other truck driver your cousin wasn't comfortable driving with across country.

I suggest a chapter break so it's clear that the discussion has changed from one individual to another.

Thank you for sharing your work.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

20

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14 days may be credited.

#4752582

Review of Lost on Route 66

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.

Hi: Words Whirling Around

Title: Lost on Route 66

What works: The visual images invoke feelings of loss as they leave familiar surroundings to new ones. Nicely woven into the stanzas as they move from one to the next. The pacing was good.

What needs attention in my opinion: I had wished there was more detail about Route 66, it's an interesting roadway that could been tweaked out.

Thank you for sharing your work.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

21

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14 days may be credited.

#4751194

Review of Fish pie with recipe

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.

Hi: Sue, Happy Mother's Day!

Title: Fish Pie with recipe

What works: The recipe sounds really good. Do you make this often? I would have to substitute the prawn because of my iodine allergy but I'm sure scallops or clams would work equally as well.

The flask definitely got Dave in trouble. I was happy to see it sink to the bottom of the ocean. Fishing and drinking here in the States is huge and there are lots of accidents that shouldn't happen because of the alcohol.

The pacing of the story was good. I didn't notice any punctuation or grammar issues or spelling issues.

What needs attention in my opinion:

Eventually a rescue diver winched down to join Dave in the boiling ocean, boiling to me indicates hot. Fives lines previous you have ...He was cold. His strength leaving him. I suggest a different word choice.

Thank you for sharing your work.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

22

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14 days may be credited.

#4750395

Review of Reverse Telemarketing

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.

Hi: Odessa Molinari

Out of curiosity, are you related to Steve Molinari {New Jersey}

Title: Reverse Telemarketing

What works: There's nothing more irritating than telemarkers, I swear they know exactly when our family is sitting down together for dinner. I think the author's story on how to change the direction of the call in her favor was very nicely done.
Excellent sales pitch of your writing.

What needs attention in my opinion: I didn't note any punctuation, grammar or spelling issues. The only issue is a pet peeve of mine is the size of the font. Many of the reviewers here on WDC are not young with 20/20 vision.

Thank you for sharing your work.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

23

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14 days may be credited.

#4750390

Review of Fading year

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Hi Mike

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Yes, the title and the description work well together.

Can it be read out loud? Yes, it can be.

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? The poem doesn't have to be split in two stanzas, it reads smoothly together as well.

How did your piece make me feel? I was reminded of fall days in Maine, where I used to live before relocating to Las Vegas to help my daughter. The leaves seemed to flutter in the wind like they were spell bound by fairies. The sun never burned the grass in Maine. I hadn't seen how much damage the sun can do to grass until I moved to Vegas.

What was my favorite part? I loved the imagery mirrored glass gave my minds eye as I envisioned all the beautiful fall colors glistening on the water

What would I change? In the first stanza I would be tempted to change the tense.

An errant breeze
caught in the trees
lifted away the leaves
that flitted with ease.

I'm not fond of the word choice alight.

Was it well thought out and well written? Yes, I believe the author considered the prompt and fulfilled it in the required eight lines. Nicely done, Mike

Thank you for sharing.
Lyn

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

24

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4749974

Review of Keeper of Forgotten Tales

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.

Hi: Novice Mage, interesting handle. The work doesn't indicate a novice.

Title: Keeper of Forgotten Tales

What works: There's a mystical and mysterious feel to the story that captivated this reader. The story has good pacing. The descriptive details added to the piece and didn't overwhelm the reader. Nicely woven story about meeting an elder that initially didn't seem alive but was actually resting. The brief conversation left the seeker feeling unsettled and more curious.

What needs attention in my opinion: I didn't note any punctuation or grammar issues. MY only pet peeve is the small font which is challenging on older readers.

Thank you for sharing your work.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

25

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4749661

Review of Mt. Elbert Colorado

Review by Lyn's a Wit...

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Hi Lou,

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Yes, Mt. Elbert Colorado

Can it be read out loud? Yes, it can.

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? Yes,

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. n/a

How did your piece make me feel? Curious about the area surrounding the mountain.

What was my favorite part? The approach to the acrostic was different because the author didn't follow the traditional format. The lines that were fulfilled gave nice imagery.

What would I change? I would have included the MT and added the two lines so the form was fulfilled. The title should match the acrostic so visually it didn't fulfill the poetic form.

Was it well thought out and well written? This reader would have liked more.

Thank you for sharing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .