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Public Reviews
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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? My Human, the Witch works for your story.

Can it be read out loud? Yes, it can.

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? The story does flow with a natural feeling with only a couple areas that need work.

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. Yes, it does but the middle needs attention.

How did your piece make me feel? Curious, how the cat would accomplish his mission.

What was my favorite part? The vent collapsing and the cat having to scramble for his next move.

What would I change? I've taken these 4 sentences to show you the redundancies in your short story. I suggest changing how you begin your sentences so they're not repetitive.
1. That was when a force hit him in the side.

2, That was when he got an idea.

3. That was when he saw it.

4. That was when her eyes went to his collar

"Went through the crack and ran through the halls, he wasn't even too sure where he was going, only trusting that he would see some sort of sign that he was going in the right direction." There's no clear subject, this sentence needs to be reorganized so it is clearer and less awkward.

Was it well thought out and well written? The story was interesting coming from the cat's point of view.

Thank you for sharing.


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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Joseph

Title: Quake and the Curse of A Million Dreams

What works: The story itself is unique and held my interest despite the redundancies and author intrusion with the telling not showing.

What needs attention in my opinion:
1. Why is The capitalized before dogs. It's not a title.
2. The third line in the first pagragraph tells the reader everything necessary without the redundancy of the first and second line.
I suggest changing the wording from: A Curse from the evil Cat-Witch was felt by The dogs In the land of Biscuitville.
“A million dreams are keeping me awake!” each dog said.
The dogs that lived in the land could barely sleep because The curse of a Million Dreams was keeping them awake.

To: The dogs that lived in Biscuitville could barely sleep because a curse of a Million Dreams was cast by the evil Cat Witch.
No redundancy and all the information is there.
3.If the Cat Witch is sleeping than what battle are you talking about here : Their battle was long and hard, but in the end, they emerged victorious. They found the grumpy Cat Witch fast asleep in her castle. The Witch was Caught off guard and had no choice but to lift the curse of a Million Dreams to keep them awake.

It would make more sense if you simply said their journey was long and hard.



Thank you for sharing your work.


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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? I wasn't sure it did until I reached the final paragraph.

Can it be read out loud? I didn't try.

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? N/A

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. Yes, it did have an introduction, middle and a conclusion but lacked a climax.

How did your piece make me feel? Questioning what the author's intent really was in the free flow.

What was my favorite part? H20 something valuable for life, especially where I reside, water is essential.

What would I change? The spacing on the pamphlet sections is too much and becomes distracting more than informative.

Was it well thought out and well written?

Thank you for sharing.


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Review of New Year tale  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Yes, the title works perfectly with the poem and the required prompts.

Can it be read out loud? Yes, the cadence feels natural hearing it out loud.

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? Yes, the author wove a delightful tale about a skeleton climbing to the top to make its new year's resolution.

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. n/a

How did your piece make me feel? I was amused with the imagery because I just came inside from creating more skeleton displays for Halloween, my favorite holiday and the timing of your poem in the read and review was perfect.

What was my favorite part? The skeleton's kindness with the girl as he was climbing to the top.

What would I change? I would re-introduce white with snow near the end, maybe shaking the snow as he gave a bone away to help balance the imagery.

Was it well thought out and well written? Yes, I believe the author did a good job.

Thank you for sharing, Angelica. Hope all is well with you.


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Review of Yellow  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Yes

Can it be read out loud? Yes, it most definitely can. It's an affirmation of changing color cases.

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? Yes, they tell a story.

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. n/a

How did your piece make me feel? I remember the excitement I felt when I changed colors.

What was my favorite part? I've won. The conclusion summed up it up nicely.

What would I change? I would lengthen the poem, I know you can do it.

Was it well thought out and well written? Yes, the author invited others to share in her enthusiasm of being a yellow case on Writing. com.

Thank you for sharing, Vivian.


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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.
"Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.
*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*

Title: Heavy Kind of Freedom

First Impression: I've worked in a bar myself so I found the story very relatable.

What needs your attention:
"Jamie were an evil man, so why do I feel so heavy inside?" I believe was would work better than were.

"Jenny, weren't you or me dat done the deed, he had it comin'. We got the open road afore us and isn't that the freedom we always dreamed of?" I believe wasn't would work better. I realize the intent is to demonstrate un-educated individuals but both word choices jumped out at me.

Favorite Parts: I liked Jenny's indecisiveness about giving Jamie the contents of the bottle in his drink. She studied her boyfriend's situation as she listed to the British guy explain the situation clearer. Once she realized that she and her boyfriend wouldn't be considered criminal she agreed. But nor did either of them realize they would be carrying a burden of guilt after the fact even though Jamie was evil.

Overall Impression: Interesting take on Fast Car.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




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Review of Fast car  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.
"Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.
*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*

Title: Fast car

First Impression: A beautiful love story that began with a boy and a girl who both lived in less than desirable situations and as adults married and had a child of their own.

What needs your attention: I'm curious as to why you chose not to capitalize Car in the title. I didn't note any punctuation or grammar issues.

Favorite Parts: Mickey and Mae as children in the cadillac when she let her hair down as they pretended no abusive father or overworked mother just the two of them heading to the beach. I used to pretend I was going places that my parents could never find me and my siblings wouldn't be there either.

Overall Impression: I thought you captured the essence of the song with the children's dialogue and again as they were adults. Nicely done. The story felt connected from beginning to end with consistent character traits. Mickey was still chasing their dream and Mae was looking at the bigger picture all the things she didn't want for their son, Joe just like Mom's do.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




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for entry "Let Me Go" Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.
"Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.
*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*

Title: Let Me Go "Let Me Go" Open in new Window.

First Impression: The story to me unfolded in a predictable manner and I was hoping the author wouldn't take the stereotypical path with the bad boy and the good girl is pregnant.

What needs your attention: The ending would read smoother if you worded it this way. Julie stood there until she could no longer see his taillights. She was crying. Julie stood there crying until she could no longer see his tailights. The way you have it worded feels like the author is telling us,

Favorite Parts: The guy complaining about the car and then it dawned on him that she said us. He immediately went into jerk mode.

Overall Impression: The author chose two songs to influence the story and this reader wondered why. This story has potential, it just needs a little bit of tweaking.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




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Review of Silent Witness  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn. I am reviewing your work today.
"Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.
*Shield1* Official Judge's Review *Shield1*

Title: Silent Witness

First Impression: What a interesting take on Tracy Chapman's song, I enjoyed it immensely.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation or grammar issues.

Favorite Parts: Tracy taking a stand for herself. No one should have to be victimized by an alcoholic. I know exactly how challenging it is, always being on eggshells is not quality of life.

Overall Impression: It just hit me as I was writing your review, you chose the song cover's artist name Luke and the original artist Tracy as the couple's names in the story. Awesome tie into the song.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




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Review of Fifty Years  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
"Emotions are the language of the soul."

Hi: T

Title: Fifty Years

Did the story/poem fulfill the prompt: Yes, it most definitely did.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any grammar or punctuation issues. The word count and line count requirements were met. Kudos.


What I enjoyed the most in your work. I really like the couplets, I felt they gave the feeling of movement in the poem. It was a hard choice between your poem and Dave's. The final choice came down to my feeling more of the 50 years in his poem.


Thank you for sharing! It's awesome to read your work.

Lyn


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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Foxtale

Title: Doc's Scuttlebutt Cap

What works: I'm very familiar with boy scout adventures, this one was definitely unusual. And like the author I wonder if it was actually an approved BSA event. I can see the boys trying their dangest not to spill water in the scuttlebutt exercise. It's a good teambuilding exercise.

What needs attention in my opinion: I didn't note any punctuation or grammatical issues.


Thank you for sharing your work. The story was an engaging read about Boy Scouts that I was unaware of, especially the sea scouts division. It didn't happen in the Maine branch of Boy Scouts because I would definitely involved the young men I worked with to try.


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Review of Anger Understood  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Kenzie

Title: Anger Understood

What works: Raising awareness of how flawed our system really is unfortunately a social norm. I'm not happy with it either. I have a brother who is homeless because of a previous conviction. He knows he can stay with me but chooses not to because of his pride.

What needs attention in my opinion: Another individual shows anger at the “system” because of some of his own failings. Yes, he was imprisoned for driving while drunk. He served his time, though. However, the world is an unforgiving place, indeed. This felt out of place because it's not clear to the reader are we talking about another family member or the other truck driver your cousin wasn't comfortable driving with across country.

I suggest a chapter break so it's clear that the discussion has changed from one individual to another.


Thank you for sharing your work.


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Review of Lost on Route 66  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Words Whirling Around

Title: Lost on Route 66

What works: The visual images invoke feelings of loss as they leave familiar surroundings to new ones. Nicely woven into the stanzas as they move from one to the next. The pacing was good.

What needs attention in my opinion: I had wished there was more detail about Route 66, it's an interesting roadway that could been tweaked out.


Thank you for sharing your work.


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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Sue, Happy Mother's Day!

Title: Fish Pie with recipe

What works: The recipe sounds really good. Do you make this often? I would have to substitute the prawn because of my iodine allergy but I'm sure scallops or clams would work equally as well.

The flask definitely got Dave in trouble. I was happy to see it sink to the bottom of the ocean. Fishing and drinking here in the States is huge and there are lots of accidents that shouldn't happen because of the alcohol.

The pacing of the story was good. I didn't notice any punctuation or grammar issues or spelling issues.

What needs attention in my opinion:

Eventually a rescue diver winched down to join Dave in the boiling ocean, boiling to me indicates hot. Fives lines previous you have ...He was cold. His strength leaving him. I suggest a different word choice.


Thank you for sharing your work.


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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Odessa Molinari

Out of curiosity, are you related to Steve Molinari {New Jersey}

Title: Reverse Telemarketing

What works: There's nothing more irritating than telemarkers, I swear they know exactly when our family is sitting down together for dinner. I think the author's story on how to change the direction of the call in her favor was very nicely done.
Excellent sales pitch of your writing.

What needs attention in my opinion: I didn't note any punctuation, grammar or spelling issues. The only issue is a pet peeve of mine is the size of the font. Many of the reviewers here on WDC are not young with 20/20 vision.


Thank you for sharing your work.


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Review of Fading year  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Hi Mike

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Yes, the title and the description work well together.

Can it be read out loud? Yes, it can be.


Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? The poem doesn't have to be split in two stanzas, it reads smoothly together as well.

How did your piece make me feel? I was reminded of fall days in Maine, where I used to live before relocating to Las Vegas to help my daughter. The leaves seemed to flutter in the wind like they were spell bound by fairies. The sun never burned the grass in Maine. I hadn't seen how much damage the sun can do to grass until I moved to Vegas.

What was my favorite part? I loved the imagery mirrored glass gave my minds eye as I envisioned all the beautiful fall colors glistening on the water

What would I change? In the first stanza I would be tempted to change the tense.
An errant breeze
caught in the trees
lifted away the leaves
that flitted with ease.

I'm not fond of the word choice alight.

Was it well thought out and well written? Yes, I believe the author considered the prompt and fulfilled it in the required eight lines. Nicely done, Mike

Thank you for sharing.
Lyn


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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Novice Mage, interesting handle. The work doesn't indicate a novice.

Title: Keeper of Forgotten Tales

What works: There's a mystical and mysterious feel to the story that captivated this reader. The story has good pacing. The descriptive details added to the piece and didn't overwhelm the reader. Nicely woven story about meeting an elder that initially didn't seem alive but was actually resting. The brief conversation left the seeker feeling unsettled and more curious.

What needs attention in my opinion: I didn't note any punctuation or grammar issues. MY only pet peeve is the small font which is challenging on older readers.


Thank you for sharing your work.


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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Hi Lou,

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Yes, Mt. Elbert Colorado

Can it be read out loud? Yes, it can.

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? Yes,

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. n/a

How did your piece make me feel? Curious about the area surrounding the mountain.

What was my favorite part? The approach to the acrostic was different because the author didn't follow the traditional format. The lines that were fulfilled gave nice imagery.

What would I change? I would have included the MT and added the two lines so the form was fulfilled. The title should match the acrostic so visually it didn't fulfill the poetic form.

Was it well thought out and well written? This reader would have liked more.

Thank you for sharing.


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Review of That's impossible  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Nyctophile

Title: That's Impossible

What works: I want to thank you for the ideal font size for your story. Lily's curiosity felt natural in the story. All of us are skeptical when discouraged by another and secretly want to try it anyway.

This reader would have liked more details about the watch.

Time travel appeals to many readers so your story would definitely have a good target audience.

What needs attention in my opinion: I do feel I should point out the spacing between the first and second and then its different between the second and third. Between the second and third works but the others are spaced too far apart. It made me wonder if the author had cut out sections.


Thank you for sharing your work.


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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Amy

Title: The Primary Role of Universities

What works: In an ideal world your suggestions as to how universities can help a student better be prepared for the world. On paper it sounds logical but in this ever changing world some of these skills will never happen.
There are many schools who do offer co-op opportunities for the student to actually work in their field of choice. But when it comes to practical skills a teacher can only do so much.
BY the time a college age student is learning a trade they should already have learned time manage skills by having part-time jobs.
And in our present situation after covid many students are online students which also impacts your theory. I have a good friend who learned is electricians license by online instruction and in person workshops with hands on instruction from an electrician. He passed everything but in the real world working construction he struggled because he was very methodical in the job but was let go from several different job sites because he took too long to complete tasks. In conversation, he told me what the instructor said a job should take but in reality that's not what most contractors accept.


What needs attention in my opinion: This would be easier to read if it was double spaced and an extra indent between paragraphs so the reader doesn't feel rushed as they read. Better use of the white space helps the reader pause and absorb the points you're making.


Thank you for sharing your work.


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Review of The Coffee Monkey  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: James Fox

Title: The Coffee Monkey

What works: I'm the one who rises early here and makes the morning coffee, so in your story I would be the coffee monkey. I spend time with our younger cat while the coffee is brewing while my husband and our older cat burrows in where I was sleeping. I think we're all creatures of habit.
Fifteen years was a long life for a dog, your family was blessed.
I'm reminded of a morning when our younger kitten decided he would try what I was having. My cup was on the end table and I was reading a book, he took a lick, immediately sputtered, spat and shook his head definitely in disagreement of my beverage choice of black coffee. I've since offered him sips and he shakes his head. Animals are the joy of our lives that keep us going.

What needs attention in my opinion: The pacing of the story was good. I don't think I could make any suggestions to improve it.

Thank you for sharing your work. Welcome to WDC!


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Review of Summertime Blues  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Hi Moon Child,

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Summertime Blues initially entices the reader thinking they're going to hear about something that makes the author sad about summer. The description given is actually a much better title for your poem.

Can it be read out loud? Yes, it can be.

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? The author has chosen a single stanza when this poem gives opportunity for the author to expand on the subject.

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax.
 mon-applicable

How did your piece make me feel? I'm also a huge fan of the moon. I hope the author considers elaborating more with some visuals that put the author and reader in the same space briefly.

What was my favorite part? The moon needing time to catch up slumber. Don't we all.

What would I change? The opening line is fine, the second line I would ditch and, it's implied and deoesn't need to be there. The third line is fine as is. The fourth line the way it's worded is chunky even though I enjoyed the fact the moon needs rest like us. So I would reword it to catch up on rest... slumber is a bulky word in a poem with an unencumbered short poem. The fifth line is fine. The sixth line gives the author the opportunity to expand thoughts like our evening talks soothed me and then end with the last line.

This gives the author and the reader a connection moment.

Was it well thought out and well written? I think the author has a good beginning but it definitely can be tweaked to reach it's full potential.

Thank you for sharing.


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Review of Curmudgeonly  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window.

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window.!


Hi Sandra

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Curmudgeonly

First Impression: I'm the curmudgeon in my house. I'm forever reminding people to turn off the lights, replace the toilet paper. Are you brought up in a barn I know I say at least two or three times daily with just one child. I know when my children were young Isaid it at least fifty times a day. So, I found this story absolutely hilarious.

What needs your attention: Grandma called Grandad a kvetch, I believe Granddad has 2 d's. And my pet peeve about double spacing so it's easier on my old lady eyes.

What part I liked best: The comparison to his dad, no one wants to be reminded they're just like their parent. I know Vic tells Amanda, my daughter she's just like me and boy does he get dagger eyes.

Overall impression: Mother of Pearl I haven't heard in years, I'd forgotten it was a W.C. Field's phrase. The pacing was good, the punch lines were delivered smoothly. That is definitely a strength I've noticed in your writing now that I'm seeing more than your blog entries. Game of Thrones has really upped your writing skills, you're ready for anything now.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? I'm so glad you said, yes!
created by Gervic


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
24
24
for entry "Mirror Mirror #21" Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Hi Jeff

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Mirror, Mirror # 21

First Impression: I think I'll pass on immortality in your world. I am not a bug fan at all and the thought of being devoured by bugs gives me the willies. I'm not familiar with glow-sticks. Are they cracked open as in broken to make them work? Do they shut on and off?

What needs your attention:
1. It was raining terribly, terribly is an adverb and doesn't tell this reader anything connectable about the rain. May I suggest In the torrential rain, we had already lost one of our crew.

What part I liked best: The first man grabbing a hold of his partner and the chain reaction happening. I've done that hiking with my daughter and she's cursed me out for making us both tumble downwards. The three men's excitement gave the reader a good visual as it was described, it felt like typical men bonding moments when they've accomplished something.

Overall impression: I thought the opening about
how great men do live on figuratively was a good lead in to the man wanting to literally discover the fountain of youth. A team of men were seeking the legends in different legions of the world until they entered Ron DeSantis territory. That in itself is dangerous before you ever get to the bugs. Your descriptive of the men being devoured reminded me of the childhood song the worms crawl in the worms crawl out in your stomach and out your mouth.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
created by Gervic


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
25
25
for entry "A Distinct Humming" Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window.

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window.!


Hi Tracey.

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: A Distinct Humming

First Impression: That room must have made Sharon feel overwhelemed I know it would me if I had discovered it. My curious nature would have kept exploring like Sharon did despite feeling uncomfortable.

What needs your attention: I think in this sentence the author intended that not the ---in her University, the she'll forever wish with everything she has, that she would have minded her own business.
Logistic question here- we traveled with her through corridors and wrought iron stairs that climbed in a circular motion but then when she released the androids- released the locks holding them to the chairs and opened the ground door that led outside to the woods. How did they get to the exit so easily?

What part I liked best: I loved the ending when Sharon realized that her good intentions may have released something more sinster than she could have imagined. Sounds to me like we need a chapter two.

Overall impression: The story was interesting but there is a logistics question that I think the author needs to consider if she decides to continue this fun story.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
created by Gervic


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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