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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ghaynes64
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855 Public Reviews Given
1,046 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed reading this. I am involved in a class for poetry writers. I am trying to understand the free verse so prevalent now, but my heart returns to the rhymed and metered poems I have always loved. Thanks for reminding me that it's O.K. to be a throw back.
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Review of Reflection  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Things I liked: I like the theme and meaning. It indicates growth and self examination.

Things I didn't like: The lines are too short. It is hard read with even and continuous flow. It might read better if each verse were a two line couplet.

Form: Quatrains with each line having three or four syllables.

Rhyme: N/A

Comments: It is hard to avoid the choppy feel with the lines broked this way. It is good but the form hinders my appreciation of it.
Write on.
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3
Review of Big Kids  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Funny, cute, fun, creative,however it strikes you if fine. I enjoyed it. Write on.
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4
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Both the explanations and the examples are excellent in showing the difference in blank verse and free verse. This could be advertized more for those who have yet to learn these distinctions.

Good job. Write on.
5
5
Review of Graduation Speech  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Things I liked: You stated your goal clearly and it made good sense.

Things I didn't like: Nothing much I didn't like.

Metaphors, Meanings: I see lots of places where you have found meaning and they reach beyond this experience. You analyze some parts of your maturing mind and viewpoint well.

Comments: I suspect you may have already given the speech and graducation to other challenges. Good luck. Write on!
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Review of REFUSE TO GET OLD  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Loved it --grammatically speaking. I have a website called Getting Old Online.com. It addresses some of the issues you touch on. I look at old age as an accomplishment. I don't number my birthdays, I just enjoy them.

Good job. Write on.
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Review of Forest Lost  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Things I liked: Strong even lines with meter and rhythm. I really like the meaning and the expressive way it was stated.

Things I didn't like: Not much not to like.

Form: Quatrains. Short lines, but the lack of rhyme kept it from being boring or sing-song.

Rhyme: N/A

Comments: Good job. Write on.
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Review of Test Story  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.5)
Large blocks of unbroken text are intimidating. Use some paragraphs breaks to make it easier to read.

I assume this will be an allegory or parable, but explaning it is both unnecessary and a little insulting.

Spelling that is appropriate for texting falls short of the standards for "real" writing.

Having "tested the site," did you find it adequate for your needs? If so, Write On!

P. S. Will this be a fictional story, or a play script. Stage direcions imply one, but other elements imply the other. Decide---
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9
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Memoies and reflection are the stuff of Potry. Children see with a different vsion than adults. They are less contaminated by the world. Maybe you should revisit the lighthouse and the poem. Good job. Write on.
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Review of No More Doubt  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Things I liked: I like rhyme. This one works.

Things I didn't like: The meter was sometimes irregular and awkward. The meter and line length could be improved.

Form: Three verses of six rhymed pairs plus the ending of a rhymed couplet and four short lines and one final end. It was regular and planned even in the variation.

Rhyme: The rhymes were very good, solid, not stretched or awkward.

Comments: A picture of abuse and self-denigration and cutting. It may look insane, but mostly it's a defense against insanity. My main omplaint against it is the meter problems--it is difficult to read in spots. The story is classic. Good job. Write on!
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11
Review of Scars  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Things I liked: I like rhyme, and most of these are solid, and sometimes you lose the rhyme altogether.
"Someone who would be happy to help me rebuild (my heart)" In this line you could integrate the "my heart" earlier in the line, for instance:
"Someone who would help my heart to rebuild."

Things I didn't like: The meter was loose, also.

Form: Four verses of eight lines is pretty regular. The line length and syllable count did not meet any kind of standard

Rhyme: I already discussed rhyme. Most of them were good and they were not stretched or awkward.

Comments: The overall impression was of someone who wanted to display extreme angst. A more valliant and heroic character would have hidden or concealled the pain. Exposing it weakens the character.

Write on!
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In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Things I liked: I like the emotional appeal of this piece. It like the title was complicated.

Things I didn't like: I didn't like the caps. It was like you were shouting and shouting wasn't necessary

Form: It wasn't exactly a narrative, it didn't rhyme, and it wasn't free verse. It was something like a definition or a list of requirements. It was well done.

Rhyme: N/A

Comments: I thought it complicated the idea of friend a little more when the suggestion of a lover entered the picture. I think I separate them.

Write on!
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Review of August  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Oh the tortures of August heat, but it is the final effort of summer harvest gasping in the sun. Excellent description evoking flies and mosquitoes and other vermin.

Good job. Write on.
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Review of Maturing In Faith  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
There are several instances of poor mechanics such as punctuation errors. The article needs more work on logical organization. I think the focus on the last days was limiting. We all need faith to face even the most mundane trials and tests, and each of them is an opportunity to grow.

Keep working on your faith as well as your writing. Good job.
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In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
This one is confusing. It begins with pine trees having leaves instead of needles and moves quickly to a flowew frozen in the snow. The reference to "loneliness that's trapped inside" deserves a fuller treatment.

Write on.
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Review of Stitches  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
I'm not sure how to read this. Was s/he torn or not yet assembled? It has some rhyme and meter, but it lacks definition and substance. Write on.
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Review of DEMONS IN HIDING  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Things I liked: This poem tries to make a statement about the hidden demons that plague the mind. Even the rushing pace and tumbling phrases carry the message.

Things I didn't like: Many of the rhymes are a real stretch and some phrases lose their integrity when they don't make good sense.

Form: Rhymed lines without formal verses or consistent meter or number of lines per verse.

Rhyme: Rhyme and near rhyme throughout.

Comments: I think attention to meaning and consistent form would improve the poem. The underlying idea is certainly worthy of exploration. Write on.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Things I liked: Excellent details. Your depiction of fall is graphic and compelling.

Things I didn't like: One typo--in line 16 "to" should be "too."

Form: Free verse

Rhyme: None

Comments: I see fall in a different light, but your view is certainly possible. Good job. Write on!
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Review of Let's Play  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Yes, what is sause for the goose is sause for the gander. He established his right to control his stuff just like she did. I love it.

Write on!
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a beautiful memory and a valuable truth we should emphasize in our churches and our worship. I really identified with your comments about the Methodist church. I was there too. But somehow like you, God put his word in my heart and I learned to memorize and apply it. I'm still working on that. It is truly a blessing. I don't think John Wesley ever envisioned a church that would not value the word of God.

Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year.
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Things I liked: Some good indications of the to people in the conversation, realistic give and take in the dialogue.

Things I didn't like: The issues were not identified. How old was the son? Why was it necessary to drop the machine on his head? Who was too dumb to know that was not a good idea?

Metaphors, Meanings: Lack of authority in the father. He didn't seem to know who he was. There was no outcome. Whatever the controversy was, the father lost, and there did not seem to be any growth or insight.

Comments: Not all stories need to show growth or change, but it makes things worthwhile. Why go to the trouble of living if you don't learn something? On the other hand, you recorded the event.
Write on.
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In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good job. I liked the contrast of the faint praise and the supreme. And the twist at the end was well done.

Tell her to write on.
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Review of A Pair of Gloves  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Beautifly descriptive of the summer past. Good word pictures and images. And memories.

Write on.
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Review of When it rains  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Things I liked: I was moved by the power of this poem. Phrases--moist of mist--and the alliteration--bugs and bees and birsd--carry strong messages. I liked the image of hiding, but still giving thanks with open arms.

Things I didn't like: Nothing to complain about

Form: Good form, tight and complete but also complex

Rhyme:N/A

Comments: I've only been to Colorado once. But now I've also been there in the rain. Good job. Write on.
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Review of Dead-End Road  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Things I liked: I liked the theme. Women are people with emotions and needs and joy. Details in the poem are girpping and powerful.

Things I didn't like: The verses are not consistent in length and they are not metered. There are a few grammatical errors that interupt the flow.

Form: one verse of five lines and four quatrains.

Rhyme: N/A

Comments: good job. If you would like me to read revisions, emal me. Write on.
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