\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ghostly_writer
Review Requests: OFF
8 Public Reviews Given
8 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Death  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your piece inspires me to stock on the inevitable outcome, the final chapter known as death. Honestly, your work concerns me, and maybe that was the purpose. If you sought to trigger a reader's feelings of troublesome worry about the author's well-being, you hit the mark. Your not-so-subtle reference to suicide by writing about people's choice of death over life seemed anecdotal, but you seemed to slam the door on that hope with your closing line, in part...all I want is to be dead. There is life after 30, 60 and even 90.

"Death," contains a few grammatical challenges, but not so much that the reader is tripped up. Keep writing, perspective will come. There is nothing more valuable than your tomorrow; may you have many.
2
2
Review of Writing.Com 101  Open in new Window.
for entry "Full Screen Edit" Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (1.0)
Your full screen edit tool is horrific. You should ban it's use to prevent writers from losing content. Everyone should be told to create content in MS Word, as a word doc, and import or drag and drop the file into the edit screen window to prevent loss of work. That is my two cents today. Tomorrow, I will rewrite everything that was inadvertently deleted today.
3
3
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ending a sentence with "is" often creates an awkward, deflated conclusion to a sentence. Your second line into chapter 4: "A knock on the door rouses me from my sleep, causing me to blind myself from the sunlight pouring through the windows. For a moment, I have no idea where I am, this isn’t my bed, and the ceiling is about as familiar to me as the surface of Mars is..." strands a preposition. Drop IS from your opening line; you don't need it.

I do enjoy the flow of your characters' conversation. It reads like real people talk. Keep writing, good things will come. I need to do the work to find and read your first three chapters; jumping into chapter four raised many questions. Thanks for sharing your work.

Be well...
3 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ghostly_writer