That was kinda cool. First fanfic I've read about Space Marines, and it was inventive. However, I wasn't sure what the point of the chapter was. I mean, what are they all about? I didn't understand that. I also had an issue with a single line, in which you wrote, "...bowed deeply. You see entombed in the great Dreadnaught was the first Chapter Master of..." It always bothers me when authors talk to me personally. It distracts from the story, in my opinion. If you took out the "You see," I think that would be a much better line. Well, there you go. I'd be interested to read more about this chapter.
You're right, that was incredibly dark, but also incredibly good. I'm not often a fan of poetry, but I happened to click on this, and decided to read it, since it isn't too long. I'm very glad I did. It was a great poem, and it is really sad that these kinds of things do actually happen.
Interesting story... I'm not quite sure I agree with it, though. Time travel is obviously a tricky subject to handle, and of course there is no set way to do it, so no opinion of how it works is completely right or wrong, but this story is very similar to a short story called "By His Bootstraps", only in it, he can't stop himself from doing the things that he watched himself do earlier in time, later in time. But, it was well-written. I enjoy reading your work, and hope to see more in the future.
Interesting story... I'm not too familiar with the Warhammer 40K Universe, as I just got into the game myself, and I'm reading fanfics in the hopes that I might familiarize myself with it, and write a fanfic of my own.
I noticed two mistakes on one line - though in your defense, the only mistakes I noticed - and they bothered me. "Slowly one buy one the enemy were shot down. The white on their armour not doing alot to aid." It should read "one by one", and "not doing a lot to". Just thought you might like to know.
Now, to the meat of the story itself. Pretty good, but I was largely confused by it. I'm not sure who either of the sides are, and, as a result, didn't really care one way or the other as to what was happening to the warriors. Perhaps if the allegiences were made more clear, I could have felt more excited about it.
Good piece of work, though, and it's always interesting to read a story from the first-person perspective of a role very few of us get to do, but is often glorified. I imagine it's difficult to do, and I believed that the main character was a sniper.
Interesting poem. I agree with you, that gossip can be an intimidating factor in life, and it can also be a disgusting one. Just find the people who care about you, and who you care about, and screw the rest, yeah?
The poem itself is good. I'm no critic, and not really qualified to pass judgement on other's poetry, but I felt that it was a good poem. Good job.
Inspiring, but only if you really think about it. You've got some really good descriptions there, and I think that you've got a good message, that people should see. With an attitude towards life like this, I think you can really go places, especially in your writing. Great job, and keep up the great work.
I liked this poem. I think you have got a really good voice for poetry, and even though it is not my writing area of expertise, there are some pieces that make it look really easy. Your piece is one such piece. I am sorry to hear that you are no longer writing, I think you are great at it. However, whatever you do choose to do, the best of luck with it.
That's good, but, there are a couple things. First, paragraph at every time someone begins a sentence. A few exceptions, but it's generally better to play it safe. Secondly, a story possible error. She wants to drown in the river, and it's against her morals to kill a child, and yet, it says "Then she did what she had if she wanted to survive." Does she really WANT to survive, though?
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