This is new for me: reviewing and giving my comments on art -- yours. Even my stick drawings don't have any personality, so how can I review art? But I just have one comment at this juncture: megasuperfantabulous!
You are a living legend. Only people with superhuman talents can create art like these. Your paintings evoke feelings of awe. You are at one with nature, and nature is at one with you.
I just reviewed and rated your story (or thesis?) on Ferdinand Magellan, and now, here I am reviewing your work (chapter 12 of your novel)on another Ferdinand; and this time, it's Ferdinand Marcos. Reading your works makes me feel like I'm back in History 101 class.
It's good to see Mary during her younger days as a radical anti-Marcos protester demanding political and social reforms.
While inside Sonny's Tavern, it strikes me that Mary notices the light-faded curtains, the hardwood floors that shriek loudly, the scratched tables and shabby chairs, the high shelves filled with dusty and tattered books and magazines, and the walls peppered with constant rearranging of framed photographs, posters and political clippings. Yet, she says to herself that she sees not these material imperfections, but the strength, simplicity and sentiments of the past. You might want to review this again and see if you can make it sound better.
Other than that minor pickie, this is a strong chapter. Mary's interaction with her former childhood sweetheart works for me. I will be curious as to what you have in store for Mary and this folk hero named Dado.
I like how you've set this up (through the title and your opening paragraph) in such a way that your reader must be prepared for some (if not a lot of exposition) by viewing old photographs. Normally, I don't particular care for too much expositions, but I think you handled it very well and realistically because that's what people do: remember the past when they go through their photo albums.
I like how you phrased your second paragraph, as follows: "Inevitably, old photo albums are exhumed from their resting places --the photo cemetery located somewhere in Malia’s attic. After the sticky cobwebs and dusts are swept off the album covers, the ghosts of yesterdays are released from the pressed pages. Now I am ready to stroll down foggy lanes of memory."
Beautiful. It made me relax and stroll down memory lanes with Mary, fully prepared that I was going to find out more about her and her past and her family. And I did. Things are developing and I am getting more and more tuned in to the happenings in your novel.
I was a volcano geek in my pre-teen youth. Your novel brings back a lot of those memories. In my youth, my fascination and obsession involved creating volcanoes and making them erupt (and sometimes they did--with Dad's help). I never really imagined the upheaval that a volcano eruption can cause and how it can disrupt lives, and end it on some. Your vivid depictions of the devastating effects of a cataclysmic volcano eruption is so powerful. Only a person who's experienced or witnessed an eruption can effectively write aboutin such an unforgettable way. All my praises for a job well done.
You start this chapter with a poetic description of the setting, the pleasure of watching school girls jump the rope as they chant, and then, you shock me with the stoning of another girl. You just took me from one emotion to another. And I thought it was going to end there, but then you went on with more shocking stuff ...: Mary's sister is one of the two girls who stone the strange girl. And the strange girl is their half sister. Your description of the strange girl is very well done. I look forward to reading more about her.
Great job.
I like the cooking segment in this chapter because it introduces me to Ethnic cooking. The "bibinkang malagkit" sounds yummy and you make me want to hunt for a place that sells it.
Very nice character in William-the vulcanologist that you've added into your story. He certainly makes life more interesting for Mary. William is a very believable character. I almost have a feeling that his character is borrowed from a real USGS vulcanologist who monitored Mt. Pinatubo. In this chapter, we discover that Mary is married but her marriage is troubled. There seems to be a possibility of a romantic connection between the man of her dreams (the volcano expert) and Mary. But what to do with her husband? Another conflict is brewing for Mary. I look forward to reading more.
From the outset, you captured my interest. Right away I get to know the three-dimensional character of Jo Butler. I've met a few women just like so I am familiar with her admirable kind: clever, attractive - and ambitious; yes. Jo is not only a believable character and sympathetic from the beginning, she's also enjoyable.
It's not the first time that a woman seeks a husband for professional reasons. What will set this apart from those other women in fiction is the way you weave in the plot and from what I can see, you will take care of that just fine.
David Sleezak's character is well presented, even to a sleeze character; he is an enjoyable and believable read.
I don't know how long my interest will go, but for now, I'd like to read at least a few more chapters and see where her husband hunting leads her.
It's a very captivating beginning, not to mention intriguing. You established the mood of your primary character right away -- the mother in the story. I want to know why she changed after she went to the Philippines. You made me want to read future chapters to find out why she wants her children to forgive the people who wronged her.
Your writing continues to impress me. Clean, succint, no typographical or spelling errors and your descriptions are so vivid that I can see what you're describing, especially Mount Pinatubo.
Excellent chapter.
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