I look forward to Chapter 2. You are definitely creative. There are just a few places where the incorrect words were used or where there were typos. To aid you in this I have provided examples. My suggestions are enclosed within brackets.
Paragraph 1
[Her hair was] A feature that was very prominent in her and that she wore with a kind of pride. Keira Siverlight [appears] for all intents and purposes human to most of the civilized world, [When she would be in contact with the outside she appeared to be human, but her presence in this world was rare]
Paragraph 2
“What kind of a dream was that?” she mused to [herself] her self as she was wide awake... 'But was it a nightmare' she thought to herself, trying to keep from waking her parents [who were] in the next room.
Paragraph 11
But you need to be one body and mind if you are to go [through this ceremony].
Paragraph 14
And, the ascension was a key part of the craft that they wield for if you do not [know] your own soul how could you manipulate others[?]
For her four friends, three of them [were the other girls in the Village] and her brother, Zane Siverlight, [who] was [already] married to one of her friends.
She never thought of [herself] as beautiful except for her hair; the hair of her mother a high elf of ashen city exiled for being a warlock centuries ago
When she was off at school or doing chores...would not conflict with the ritual [itself] it self but add more protection...
She then recalled when she had ....her but his was built [without] with out the extra padding on the left arm for he didn’t use a shield.
[Marvelling] at the image before her she looked like a warrior about to go in to a great battle... She however [did not resemble her mother and instead she honoured] [father’s] side of the family.
She continued putting on her leggings and her blue cloak that bore the symbol of the village [which was] a raven birched on a cliff of glass. She then put on the equipment she was given for the ritual and [the] bag that her mother gave her. When she was done she stepped out her door and [went downstairs] to the landing and turned in to the kitchen.
"Don't worry [you’re] going to do fine... chieftain of the village but he [had] declined...
The chieftain continued with the speech for the ceremony of the speech must be recited to [ensure - please note you used insure, which is the incorrect word) that the gods are appeased
As she faced the mouth of the cave she [pondered or thought] to herself, ‘This could be my grave....
Her father seeming [to feel what she was] feeling [and] all this happening within her; walked up behind her and whispered
The cave was protected by [magic spells] that prevented anyone from entering the cave but more importantly it [also kept] anything from exiting the cave.
At least enough to find the lantern in her bag, she wasn’t so vain that she would go [without] light [within] the cave.
She looked up at the light a large torch had lit [itself] at the top of the cave....Of course it’s a magic cave [it’s] going to recognize that I have a..
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hblamerca
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 1:55am on Nov 14, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
