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6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by SchneeHund Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very nice poem with some very nice imagery, but that being said; I couldn't quite uncover why an ocelot was chosen. Swapping out the word ocelot, one could replace it with any other wild feline. There seemed to lack some uniqueness in the second and third stanzas for example.

I appreciated the attempt at a rhyme, and an exceptional attempt it was! The slant rhyme in certain stanzas were so close, that they largely went unnoticed in the first read through, and I can't say I've read the word bantam in quite some time. Excellent job!

Something did seem to happen to the punctuation and meter of the poem. You made it clear that there was a rhyme scheme, so it was made to be more like a standard poem's form, but the meter seemed to vary from stanza to stanza, so it became harder to feel the flow. As for the punctuation, I really don't care for periods or exclamation marks in poetry because they can interrupt flow, but the first stanza had an abundance of exclamation marks. The next stanzas seemed to lack everything but the words. But I'm digressing:

Overall, this was an excellent poem about the wish to be an ocelot, and the omission of a personification makes it much more like a dream. Word choice was impeccable, and it was a fun read!
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Review by SchneeHund Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
First, let me say that the way that the language was arranged expressed the writer's feelings perfectly. I found the use of the word 'progressed' was used right as the word usage became more complex, as if the writer was becoming empowered in the middle of the poem.

The rise and fall of the complexity and length of each line is reminiscent of someone who is passionate about what they speak. The message is relating because of the portion that describes the doubt of others as provocative to the writer. Using one's insecurity of yourself is certainly a powerful motivator to prove them wrong. But it shouldn't be lost in the wordplay that independence is only as effective as the will of the person.

Very nice poem; it doesn't follow any rhyme scheme or meter, but that appears to have been the intent, based on the content.
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