Minor spelling and grammar mistakes. "say tell" in the "Tell Marissa what you she was thinking." chapter.
Also the title of that chapter shouldn't have the "you" in it.
In the first chapter:
year is misspelled as "yer";
favorite misspelled as "favorit";
whispers misspelled as "wispers"
It's actually a pretty unusual premise for writing.com, so you could have gotten it rolling I think. You had some people post good bits, but not enough. Maybe if you posted more it would have kept going.
You have an impressive combination of good grammar and long chapters to your credit in this interactive.
You establish early on what the characters are like in terms of what they do and some degree of emotional hesitancy in them.
Reading the top most line of choices in the interactive you kind of have him lay around not doing much for several chapters without any sort of activity beyond watching the TV. That doesn't really make for very interesting reading unless it's leading into something, but then it kind of falls off without going anywhere.
I'm not actually interested in weight gain in itself though, so I can't really comment to how good this is in terms of plot in that respect.
It is an amusing explanation for why aliens would develop shrinking technology. Also oddly this is the first bit in which Jake speaks, that kind of bothered me in the previous two sections so nice to see that. This could really have gone through a grammar check though.
First word "We" should have been capitalized.
As they approached the saucer the three of them were visibly shaken, there voices were trembling and their knees were knocking.
there -> their
This is talking about something possessed by people rather than a place. What's odd is the second "their" is the right one.
Then in the second half you miss quotations around a lot of speech:
"Are You the one who shrunk me?" asked Jake.
"Why I am certain the littlens did it by mistake.
we are perfecting a system of shrinking human foods such as watermelons, pumpkins, potatoes and such so we can have the food for ourselves in our own size."
Also the "we" after the period should be capitalized.
"The average of the alians were about 9 inches tall, oh there is a rare one that comes along who is a foot tall, but they are few. We need your food broken down in a size which we can manage."
This one had a quotation mark in the middle of the words for some reason.
you must have gotten in the way when you were on your way to Alex's house. Your little brother Max will be your keeper. "
Missed quotation at the start and capitalizing "you".
"I demand you change me back to my original size."
The plot for the episode isn't bad, but the grammar could use these improvements.
Kind of comical to see something that's usually X-rated twisted back to E. Kind of short so not much to say. Though that Human digestion trumps slime digestion when you showed slimes to digest food in seconds is a bit odd.
I'd have kind of expected Natasha to be able to camp out in Naomi permanently and not want to leave.
This felt kind of like one big fluff piece. It didn't feel like there was much tension to it at all even when Naomi was eaten because you rushed through that bit too fast. If you had drawn out Naomi being eaten it would have increased the tension. Her clothes should also have been dissolved right off her.
Though it's also odd she'd reach into an acidic slimegirl after an essay instead of trying to get her to spit it out more. Her essay should have dissolved away before Naomi even got home given it's nonliving.
Though I do wonder how such a restriction would treat hair. It might be a very nice way to remove unwanted body hair if it counted as nonliving, though you'd need to be awfully careful not to lose your head hair.
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