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Review of OI! DRAGON!  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Below your words are in parenthesis, mine are not.



These two sentences are incomplete. They only provide the preposition and no subject.
(Gave the game away instantly.)

(Through bogs and brambles and up and down mountains.)



This was great man! Absolutely great! You had good format, a good hook, it was easy to read, and contained great wit!-somethig I have yet to master. lol. It was clever how you start the story being in the mouth of the dragon, then explained how the character got there. Once again, I congratulate the humor you displayed. I really think this deserves to be on one of the WdC newsletters. Bravo, my friend! This deserves something special!
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Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Below, your words are in parentheses, mine are not.

With this, it would clarify if you said who shut Lord Lukas in a room.

(Without warning Lord Lukas was shut inside a room and left there for what seemed like an exceptionally long time. When he was let back out Joey wasn’t there, and both of the women were terribly upset.)

Here, the character Cassie, comes out of nowhere. Also you have a little syntax error with the second sentence. Delete the word "and" then put a comma there instead to make it correct.

(She was still carrying the carrier when she came back in and sat it on the floor. Cassie sat in front of the carrier and sticking her fingers through the grate at the front.)

First, I want to congratulate you for the format! A lot of people use huge blocks of text with small fonts. I like how out use a bigger font and adding spaces in between your story. One thing I would suggest with it is to put more drama or friction between Lord Lukas and Pharaoh Fengari. Conflict captures the reader's attention and drives the story forward. Also, describe the emotional states of the main character. So, what is your forte?
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Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Firstly, congratulations for having no grammar or sentence level issues! Your story was easy to follow and it held my interest. I'm not sure if what the mother did was appropriate or not. Sometimes you need tough love. However, the mom did lie. Two wrongs don't make a right, as the saying goes. lol. So, did you edit this at all?-or was this the original draft? All in all, a great story! Keep writing!
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Review of Life  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Some argue life is meaningless. And it is what you make of it. Nevertheless, in the message of the wise king Solomon, there is nothing better than to eat, drink and to enjoy life. But in all these things know that God will take into account all that you have done. I like the line in the Lord of The Rings when Samwise told Frodo that there is good in this life and it's worth fighting for. Indeed, just breath is a wonderful gift in itself. God puts us through trials to make us stronger and to endure hardship as discipline. You're right on with this!
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Review of Masks  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Thank you for sharing! Most people have multiple masks. The sad thing is that sometimes we don't differentiate between a mask and our true demeanor. Discovering our true nature can be a rocky road, especially during teenage years. It's a shame a lot of people have not yet realized their own self. Thanks for this somber but important reminder.


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Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Amen sister! it is wonderful and refreshing to hear your passionate love for Jesus! And yes-"It's not a religion but a relationship." May God bless you and all your endeavors! So, have you written a book that glorifies God? Check out my port and you'll find that most of my entries (if not all my Writer's cramp entries) are God-based. Take a look if you want. Thank you so much for this and all your written works! God bless!



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Review of A Unicorn is Born  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
The perfect word to describe this is "whimsical!" What you wrote is so precious! It painted a clear picture of a tiny baby unicorn struggling to take flight. I like your reference to a Pegasus-very cool! my favorite stanza is number three. It had such a poetic (not to be redundant) and had a sort of melody to it which was fun to say out loud. Great work and happy Wdc anniversary!



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Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Below, your words are in bold, mine are not.

...blue collar life at the railroad fixing crossing signals and broken rails.
this is an incomplete sentence. You just need to put an object at the end, like-"job" or "occupation." Or you could add more content afterwards.

...But in reality it is a cheaply built smallish 4 br split level entry house...
Above, I would point out "smallish" but the word may be a matter of origin diction. Forgive me if I overlooked that.

.. one two three seconds..
With this, an ellipsis has three dots. Also, commas are needed between each naming of numbers.

"...here in suburbia... We waited... holding our breath..."
"We" should not be in caps.

Moments late Dad..."
Here, "late" should be "later."

As a said, this may reflect a UK colloquialism. Overall, I really thought you did a good job illustrating a family oriented, gritty and raw experience. I got a sense of a dull, drabby, aged narration that worked well! Happy WdC anniversary!
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Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Below, your words are in bold and my feedback is in regular format.


Jordan observed the bright, yet clear moon and stars and saw a group of stars that reminded him of a past event, which caused him to delve into a vast universal thinking.

Above, "stars" is used two times too close together. Rather, use something creative like "shining celestial bodies" or "shining beacons." Or you could easily say "...stars and saw a group of them that reminded him of a past event,..."

Instead of immediately getting back to his paperwork, Jordan turned towards the stereo and chose his favorite piece of classical music.

Here, you can reduce wordage to something like "Rather than going straight to paperwork, Jordan turned his stereo to his favorite musical piece." Keep in mind some of my suggestions are subjective and not necessarily "correct."


Jordan was unaware that there were unseen eyes watching him through the darkness.

With this, I got confused because you switch from first person to third person. If he was unaware why did you mention "the unseen eyes?"


In conclusion, I will say there are other inconsistencies I did not point out. But if you conscientiously go back over your work you will unlock the true potential of this!




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Review of Wanderer  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very good work! I have not reviewed any poetry, let alone any written piece, in over a year. This was refreshing to read. I loved the last stanza. it had a lingering effect on me that made me bask in a pool of contemplation. I do not have anything I think it could improve in. Kudos for that! Keep writing!



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Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
What sublime imagery and fluent narration! I cannot highlight any one line because they all resonated so emotionally with me. What is the name of this kind of poem? I believe I have seen it before but I think it is derivative of the Japanese style like the haiku. You are well versed in your skill and I congratulate you. Great job and happy WdC anniversary!



A new Anniversary Review signature to use, courtesy of [Link To User legerdemain]
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Review of Poor Jack  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
One thing I like about this is the no need for tags as there is only two people conversing. It brings me deeper into the narrative. I was left wanting to know exactly who the woman was and why he forgets her. This scene left me quite curious. I'd love to see a new development in the short account. Also, why does the black SUV take Jack? I find shorter stories leave the reader reaching for more as I said I was left. lol. All in all, a good account full of intrigue! Good job and happy WdC anniversary!


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Review of Draco Argenteus  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This was a very wonderfully descriptive scene account. It was not really a story, but, as I said, it was a succession of scenes. I enjoyed it nonetheless! I like how you used multiple senses to build your setting. The cataclysmic destruction of the building at the end was full of flare and vividness. I did not get how the building collapsed and Krystal was still in darkness. You ended this with a good, lingering contemplation. It also leaves room for a continuation. Great job and happy WdC anniversary!



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Review of Broken Home  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
So much can go on in the mind of a child. You illustrated that in this negative ordeal I felt a sense of torment for. I did feel the last sentence was too long and might be cut into two sentences. I also think the ending somewhat lacked a more emotionally charged finish. I suggest something that describes inner torment than just saying "troubled boy's emotions." I did like the words you used, although others may get hampered down by the tenor of your language. lol. Great job and happy WdC anniversary!



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Review of Waiting  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great short story! This was my favorite line:

(This waiting was almost done. The ramp hissed down with an icy blast of wind and yawning darkness. The sound became almost as hard as the wind.)

It vividly transforms the scene into an emotionally charged experience. This definitely deserves the awardicon! The title was perfect and it made me curious to read it. The action of the soldiers, including Sergeant Miller, diving into the night was very vivid and succinct! I only hope Miller lives to see his two beloveds soon. Nice job and happy wdC anniversary!



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Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
-A story in the form of prose-wonderful! Your description of Andromeda had a pungent flare! I perceived a metaphorical meaning in how the "The oceans, bays, and rivers" are made of blood. Does it reflect death or war in some way?-or is it just me? lol. You ended this well too. It left me at a loss and forlorn, in a good, emotional sense. It is short but flows well and brings me right into the scene. You had a poetic resonance with the first line; it kind of drifts into my mind. Great job and happy WdC anniversary!




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Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very impressive! I loved how you used the metaphor of a seed and soil. It really paints a nice picture of the growth of a relationship and how deepness is used as a literal sense. And how somber is this poem!-but with such a melancholy bliss, particularly with the last stanza. I like how you used tears to reflect the girl's suffering that "waters" her resolve. Excellent job and happy WdC anniversary!



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Review of Running Away  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Forgive me for not understanding, but what exactly is going on here? Is this about the girl's regret about getting pregnant? Regardless if I got the jest, what you have evokes lots of emotion. Great job for putting so much in such a small space. The ending had a poetic flare to it and it fit perfectly! You created a vivid, succinct image that left me on emotion. Happy WdC anniversary!



Congratulations on your WdC Anniversary.
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Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was a very exceptional metaphor. I assume this is a metaphor because of the title. lol. What you have is quite short but packs a mysterious, emotionally provoking impact. The last words of the special larva is poetic and very powerful. What is life that is not truly lived? Well written, my friend! Happy WdC anniversary!




Congratulations on your WdC Anniversary.
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Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
You really approached this subject from all sides. I like your fourth paragraph that addresses consigning to peer viewpoints. I do believe once one finds the truth or basis of a matter, yielding to another is no longer wise. Of course you have to know for certain that you are right in the first place; that takes exceptional wisdom I think comes from the Bible as I believe all facets of life are held within it.

On another note, I love how you transitioned each sub-topic inside each paragraphs-something I apparently have an issue with. lol. Great job and happy WdC anniversary!




Congratulations on your WdC Anniversary.
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Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I picked out one thing that sounded changing.

Below, "mildly" is telling not showing. use action or dialog to express Aunt Laura. Maybe-"She commented while speaking in a steady, low volume tone.
(She commented mildly, "I don't know; I kind of like)

I also think putting a tag here and there just to make sure we know who is talking. Sci-fi is not my forte, although I do off course like it, so that may be why I had to reread a lot of parts to get things. lol. There was something cool about the way you ended this; it just felt very apt and transitional that sets up something more. Kudos for that! Happy WdC anniversary!


Congratulations on your WdC Anniversary.
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Review of We the People  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Amen to that bro! It is weird how your article totally encapsulates our current government/society. Never before has this been more applicable to the mandates, stolen elections, and outrageous laws and bills being passed. As you stated, the government should represent the people not hijack our God given rights. I am so upset at all the treason being committed! Unfortunately, things will just get worse. Thanks for the insight and happy WdC anniversary!



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Review of The Active Eye  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I marvel at your skill, specifically because I cannot nor have I tried to compose this kind of poetry. I love how you ended with the last stanza. It is so apt and it encompasses all that comes before it! The last line is unique. The soul is the template for all the emotion and occurrences you showed. Nice utilization of larger, more illustrative words. Happy WdC anniversary!



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Review of Mow the Lawn  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


With what you have here, if the lawnmower is broken, what is Jimmy doing for hours?
(After hours later Jimmy sat down exhausted.)

In this part, even after reading it a few times over, I do not know what Jimmy is "turning over."
(It turned it over so he could see.)

Excellent visual transition!
(It was almost sundown.)

I would reword this to sound less choppy. Maybe something like-"...a few less harmful plants."
(...and a few other plants that could hurt a lot.)

Here, omit the word "itself." It conserves words.
(The grass itself was about up to his waist)


I was not sure if Jimmy died at the end. I would go back and reword this. I would also love to see more of this. It was creative. Thanks for sharing! God bless!

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Review of The Changing Tide  Open in new Window.
Review by brom21 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
What a sobering, enlightening narration! You relate very well. As I trust you know, God is the biggest thing to rely and and gain solace from. But even positive change can mull us over when we don't see it as being so. My single mother went through hard times and uncertainties but God always came to the rescue. Thank God for your brother. A lot of people cannot rely on family, sad to say. The father of my best friend's mom did little to help her in time of need. But she does not yet know God as her helper. Thanks for the article! God bless!




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