There were aspects about this story that I absolutely adored...and then some little details I struggled with. Your main character felt real and the dialogue flowed so easily at timesI felt as if I was watching a movie rather than reading a story. Towards the end there seemed to be a lot of repetition, especially on the little black "jellyfish" (i.e. things). Other than that, good work!
I thought this was a good story. I also thought it was headed in another direction, as I'm sure most people do but it's a relief when you realize what's actually going on. You're descriptions were written really well and I had a perfect sense for the location, time of day, etc.
I don't know if this is part of a novel or a stand alone short but I'm not really sure where it goes after this. Are you writing/have you written a follow up? If not I would suggest perhaps giving more detail on the background between Jason and Suzie so the reader can understand what's going on a little better. Also be careful with your punction as well (that's a huge problem of mine).
Good luck and keep on writing!
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