What a wondrous place in life your poem describes. There is innocence and joy at play. I look back from a distance that provides a song that chimes and blinks at time. But the time does not stand still for a moment. How beautiful to see that there is a time for hopeful reflection.
I appreciate how each line has its own tone and yet weaves gracefully into the next line. The rhythm of the poem does feel youthful and carefree and adds to the power and magic of the piece. I am uplifted by the images and the hope that works into a mind that stays youthful.
Reading through your nearly exhaustive list of ways to be noticed on Writing.com was not only helpful, but inspirational as well.
There are some things that I have not tried yet, but I will, as you suggested jump into some interactives and write more items for contests. I will definitely give the "Tidal Wave" [love the name], a try. If you do an update you may want to say how the "newsfeed" is working to get authors noticed. But other than this suggested update, in everyway, your article was a huge help and inspiration. Thank you!
Your poem is so beautifully done in free verse it contains the flow, tone and images that keeps my emotions and feelings heightened throughout the experience. The words and images are strong. Like: "...cutting loneliness..." "...truly loved mere memories..." and "...connection, lest we slip...", all the lines are impactful.
What I feel from this experience is that my life has freedom of youth and promise now, but there will come a time when I will be alone with just my memories. Though I may be forgotten, I will know through the mind's hallways the chapters and characters of my life that still hold meaning. The thoughts are sad and yet encouraging at the same time.
Oh how I am super touched by your poem. I think the rhymes serve a little bit to relieve the pain...of not finding those illusive words. What do I say when the moment is right? Oh I can't tell you now...but maybe later...much much later.
I very much enjoyed the images you shared to help me identify with this ever present malady. Sometimes I just want to scream...but even that would not have the right sound to communicate what I am feeling. Thank you for sharing your heart.
I love the mix of dreamy images and "real talk". There is a deflightful contrast in your poetry between what happens in the circus and the discussions in the the traveling sequences.
There are power figures and clowns, leaders of industry and jugglers, real relationships and a staged juggling of wedding rings. The blend of the real and phony is spectacular. Well done.
The quality of your writing is amazing. It was wonderful getting to know your main character, Stuart by the metaphor of death and dying. His memory of Serena is beautifully vivid - explicit.
Your story is so very complete in every way. I love it.
I love the conclusion you come to in your thoughtful entry. It seems that your piece is designed to grow bigger as time goes by and I would encourage you to do just that. Grow it bigger. It is easy for me to agree with your thoughts. I believe they mirror my own, but there are thousands of examples real and ficitonal that could be instrumental in convincing others of your theme.
All in all I enjoyed your thoughts and can picture some instances in my own life that help me to agree with your premise. Content is great. Your writing is clear. Just needs some expansion.
I enjoyed reading your poem and found myself rolling side to side with the pain and hurt hoping to put distances between the cause and feelings that your words seem to suggest. It was impossible to not be swept up into the images and feel the crushing hurt that remains from a broken relationship.
The images that I thought were most powerful were:
You twist on lover’s doorknobs,… You, desperately squinting through reversed peepholes. Your wrist flicked as fast as a hummingbird ‘s pulse
Your use of image, dark and light, is splendid and you have a great mastery of language that leaves deep images in the soul.
You have a lot of wealth to share. Thank you.
JJ
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jjcochran
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 1:16am on Dec 31, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
