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Review by jrolla420 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
Your poem was alright. At least it's not the same hackneyed theme that most poets choose: love & romance.

I have actually bought a couple of pairs of ripped jeans because although they have holes, I do find them pretty cool.

Either way.

I'm not wild about the use of the word "oh" twice in the first stanza. It kinda makes your poem seem a little petulant. Avoid saying "oh so" something.

Try "ever so swell" if you like the cheekiness of the "oh" and if you're just adding it for syllable count, try another phrasing altogether.

Speaking of syllable count, yours is off. As a poet, I know that sometimes you can make the syllable count work when you're reading it in your head. But not everyone reads it the way you do and some people (myself, for example) aren't going to capture your syllable count and your poem is going to seem messy to them.

Also, I feel like sometimes you force your rhymes into place. Think of your rhymes as a children's game. You know, the game where they have to fit the triangle into the triangle shaped hole and the square into the square shaped one? Well forcing a rhyme is like forcing a triangle into a square shaped hole. It weakens your poem more than omitting the rhymes completely. It also totally warps the sense of your work. I didn't understand as of the third stanza because your insistence on rhyme drained your work of sense.

Hope I helped.
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