its nice and simple but repertory, try to use some more word choices, another thing is when reading a poem you do not stop or pause unless there is a marker such as ; : , or . without any for pauses its being read as thus
"I believe I'm snapping I believe I'm breaking I believe the world is shaking I believe my mind is quaking I believe you're faking I believe my soul is yours for the taking I believe you lied I believe I died I believe my eyes cried I believe my heart was fried I believe I'm sober I believe this life is over But that's only what I believe."
nice, and sweet but a poems best friend is strong verbs. the stronger verbs the strnger the emotion. along with that this poem one has one sentence with no punctuation marks your poem is writen like this.
Your tongue painted rose buds on my skin
and your lips said they would bloom into a garden we’d lie within
but your eyes turned cold
and our hands drifted apart
because your ribs were like bars that stopped me from reaching your heart.
How ever with out punctuations it may as well be like this.
Your tongue painted rose buds on my skin and your lips said they would bloom into a garden we’d lie within but your eyes turned cold and our hands drifted apart because your ribs were like bars that stopped me from reaching your heart.
if you want the poem to hav pauses then us punctuation. like this.
Your tongue painted rose buds on my skin,
and your lips said they would bloom into a garden we’d lie within,
but your eyes turned cold,
and our hands drifted apart,
because your ribs were like bars that stopped me from reaching your heart.
There's not much here, It's short which can make for a wonderful short poem, but other then the love of morning I don't read anything into it. It dose not flow well. the poem is not bad, but I don't fully comprehend whats going on. Try taking each line and longgating it into a stanza explore your meanings and feelings, If your not sure what word to use keep looking until you find the perfect word .
"The difference between the almost right word & the right word is really a large matter--it's the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning." Mark twain
interesting, but add more description on the pain linger on the subject of the pain for a little longer. "When the Tattoo showed on my back it burned. No tears ran down my face though." if it only burned they why would you cry? be more descriptive but it definitely sounds interesting.
Its beautiful, very descriptive and lovely short read. there was a moment I was confused I understood she was tauren but she was in a cat form, in the paragraph you said "The druid raised her horned head up" As a cat I don't think her horns would show. For a moment I thought she shifted to her birth form without you elaborating on it. the horned head is out of place here. The writing style is lovely keep writing.
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